Today, I brought my 6-year-old to the mall to sit on Santa's lap. She told him what she wanted and smiled for the picture. When the lady told her that her turn was over, she began throwing a fit, pulling off Santa's beard in the process. This caused all the kids in line to begin sobbing. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I took my daughter to see Santa at the mall. When I went to pick her up from Santa's lap, my watch snagged on his beard, pulling it off in front of my daughter and about twenty kids in line. My daughter still isn't speaking to me. FML
Today, I took the 6 year old I'm babysitting to the mall to see Santa after weeks of her begging. We got there in time to see him get out of his Prius and dress in the parking lot. FML
Today, I took my kids to the mall to see Santa. While waiting in line, my eldest got bored and loudly complained, "I don't know why we're here. Santa's not even real." I don't think any of the kids within a hundred feet took the news very well. FML
Today, I took my 5-year old daughter to get a photo taken with Santa, when she asked the dreaded question of why this Santa looked different from one at the other store. Before I could placate her, some cunt of a kid yelled, "Because he's not real, dumbass!" FML
Today, I dressed up as Santa Claus for my employees' children. After seeing all the others, my daughter's turn arrived. She sat on my lap, put her lips to my ear, and whispered softly: "I want a new dad." FML
Today, I was working at the mall as Santa, when a little girl took a shit in my lap. FML
Today, my 16 year-old son had a tantrum over me asking him to clean up his room, and decided to tell my 6 year-old daughter that Santa isn't real, and that it was me who bought her presents. My daughter is inconsolable. FML
Today, my daughter ran up to an old man with a white beard and a red sweater because she thought he might be Santa. He was a homeless dude, drunk at 9 in the morning. He told her to either give him money or f**k off, then screamed at her that "Santa’s not real, grow up r*tard." She’s still crying FML
Today, I went to a Christmas-themed amusement park with my 21-year-old autistic sister who adores Christmas. She took her picture with Santa and started crying happy tears. Then Santa asked her loudly, "Aren't you beyond old enough to know I'm not real?" Vacation ruined. FML
Today, my 8-year-old daughter was throwing a tantrum, and I said "Keep this up and I'll tell Santa to take your presents back." She told me I don't even know Santa, at which point I accidentally blurted that I'm "Santa". FML
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Top comments
ManInTheMachine 20
I would be sobbing too if a kid had enough strength to rip every one of Santa's hairs out of their follicles. Imagine the pain! . . .That IS what happened, right?
DocBastard 40
I never understood the draw of taking your young children to sit on a stranger's lap. In what other situation would this be ok?
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Comments (82)
ks23 9
I hope she knows Santa will not be visiting this year
BntyHntrSeattle 30
If your kid has some doubts now, there's an amazing scene in Parenthood to reinvigorate her spirit :)
MURIKKA 11
YOU SIT ON A THRONE OF LIES!
ecks51 3
I've never told my kids that Santa (or any of the others) are real. WTF is the point in lying to your children about it? The holiday he's associated with is BS anyway.
Welshite 40
Oh, well in that case I apologize, Noor. Here are some candy canes as a peace offering. *throws candy canes at Noor's face*
ManInTheMachine 20
Nice try 20, but you're not going to get off on a religious debate today. Piss off.
lelo007 11
Personally, I'm glad I got to grow up with this stuff to believe in. What a dull childhood it would have been to think that magic isn't real. I mean, of course I grew up knowing better, but the mystery of Santa, Easter Bunny, Tooth Fairy, etc. when I was a child was awesome.
billyz77 24
Tell her that Santa has the mange this year and had to use a fake beard until his grows back. Which should be in time for his Christmas Eve visit to her house.
tmmundy 17
I doubt she knows what the mange is, but it's a good try...lmao.
billyz77 24
Good point. Hmm. Maybe OP should try cooties instead of mange. Yeah, that's better.
takoon51 6
if you had control over your kid that wouldn't happen, so yeah
raraisbang 12
You can't control a child every second. Tantrums do happen, and this idiotic comment pretty much proves you don't have children. My child acts out, and just because he gets a swat on the butt doesn't mean he's not going to do it again some other time.
FMLshark 12
Calm down, guys. 20 is actually the Grinch.