Today, I bought a tail for my girlfriend to dress as a cat at a hen party. She put the box in her suitcase, then left to catch her plane. I checked my purchase history and realised it's a cat tail butt plug. Now she keeps ringing me, but I'm too chicken to answer the phone. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I bought a Halloween costume for my cat. FML
Today, I bought my girlfriend a cat. I now have a cat and no girlfriend. FML
Today, I put on a new shirt and headed out to a café to meet a friend. Halfway through our conversation, I noticed my cat had followed me into the café after somehow making a nest in my bag. I looked down to see her tail sticking out of my purse, wagging like she owned the place. She is tiny, but still… how she managed to stay hidden for more than 10 minutes is beyond me. FML
Today, I called up my ex girlfriend to ask her if I could come round hers to get my pyjamas back. She replied: "I'm keeping them just in case..." - "In case of what?" - "In case I want to dress up like an asshole". FML
Today, my girlfriend texted me, telling me to come home quickly, because she had a "surprise" waiting for me. I convinced my boss to let me go home, and rushed out. Turns out the "surprise" was just that she'd bought herself a pet bunny. FML
Today, I went to a store to buy a man's thong because my girlfriend wanted me to. When I went in I also grabbed some lingerie for her. Thinking I was being clever I wrapped it up in a t-shirt so no one would notice and went to checkout. The cashier then called for a price check on the thong. FML
Today, my girlfriend called me four times in a row at work. Worried, I stepped outside and answered the phone. Through tears, she screamed, "It's the cat!" Was he sick or hurt? "NO! He won't stop meowing!" FML
Today, I received a package addressed to my husband. I thought it was a surprise gift for me, so I excitedly opened it. It turned out to be a 3-foot tall realistic-looking penguin. Confused, I asked him about it. He sheepishly admitted he'd bought it to scare off the neighbor's cat, who's been using our garden as a litter tray. FML
Today, I had to go to therapy for my fear of cats. All the way there, my girlfriend kept making cat noises and scratching at me. FML
Today, a customer phoned, asking to collect an item. I explained that there was no need, as the item had already been posted out to her and was on its way. Her response? Apparently, I don’t deserve to have a set of balls, and I’m lucky or she’d emasculate me. She'd ordered a remote control. FML
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Top comments
Chazzster 32
And how did you think those cute animal tails attached to the wearer if it’s not part of a costume? Answer the phone - She’s probably not mad, but she will be if you ghost her.
sixtus1973 27
Answer the phone and if she's mad she will rip you a second one. This will allow her to blow of some steam and she will be much less angry when she returns.
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Comments (16)
LAUGHINGKOMODO 25
She is probably calling you to tell you that she loves it. She would have never thought of that if it weren't for you. Kill two birds with one stone. GL bro.
Chazzster 32
And how did you think those cute animal tails attached to the wearer if it’s not part of a costume? Answer the phone - She’s probably not mad, but she will be if you ghost her.
ChakatBlackstar 29
There are some belt and clip-on versions and more complex harnesses for when you want the look of the tail but you don't want to block anything and/or worry about it falling out.
ChakatBlackstar 29
She's probably upset that you didn't provide lubrication for it to go in!
RichardPencil 32
Relax, you’re probably just analizing the situation all wrong.
Donut_Wizard 23
What’s the matter, cat got your butt plug?
sixtus1973 27
Answer the phone and if she's mad she will rip you a second one. This will allow her to blow of some steam and she will be much less angry when she returns.
jbuckets_404 39
Sixtus, (much) less angry?! Obviously, you've never had a gf before....
sixtus1973 27
Actually, I have a wife and 4 children and I know that most grown-up women can cope with reality and get rid of short-term anger. It only depends on their level of maturity.
Glowworm56 27
So you're chicken because she's going to a hen party?
Lobby_Bee 18
Perfect for her furry orgies!
tarabella 7
Grow a pair and answer the ******* phone. She'll be much more angry about you not answering your phone than the tail. You don't want an enraged woman armed with a buttplug coming after you
acmariner99 25
You’ll know she’s mad if she tries to stick it up yours! Good luck!