Today, I asked my mother why she didn't drink. She laughed and said, "The last time I drank was the night you were conceived. I didn't need any other disasters." FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my mom got drunk and started crying, ranting about all the things she could have done in life if I hadn't been born. FML
Today, I asked my mom why she drinks. She said she only drinks when she's depressed. My step-dad said she only drinks on the weekend. Those are the days I'm at her house. FML
Today, my drunk mom told me to apologize for being born. FML
Today, I was watching a home video of when my mom was pregnant with me. She had a beer in her hand. FML
Today, my mom came home heavily drunk. As I was taking care of her, she told me all about how I was a mistake. That didn't hurt nearly as much as when she told me she wishes I'd died during her pregnancy. FML
Today, my mother told me that for a period when I was a baby, every night she stood over my crib with a bottle of bourbon and a gun, convincing herself not to shoot me for ruining her life by being born when she was only 18. I wish I could be more like my siblings, who don't visit her anymore. FML
Today, my dad took me to a bar for my first legal drink. He quickly got "drunk" and started slurring that I was an accident, saying the only reason I'm alive is because he'd been too poor to pay for an abortion. As I started crying, he burst out laughing and said soberly, "Just kidding, son." FML
Today, I had to pick up my drunk mom at bar. While we were driving home, she thanked me over and over again, and then said, "Thank god you have no life!" FML
Today, my mom celebrated a year's sobriety by having a couple of beers with her boyfriend. FML
Today, I asked my dad if I was a planned baby. He asked me if the crazy drunken party he and my mom had nine months prior to my birth counted. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
DocBastard 40
You should have told her that her uterus is so shriveled and dusty at her age that the threat of more pregnancies has passed.
xoxchelaxox08 17
if she really though you were going to be a disaster, she probably would have aborted you. I'm sure she was just joking, or she said that since you were nosing around in her personal business.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (114)
Bubbelz 25
Xd
starile 20
"I guess we can say you were... *puts on sunglasses* unintentionally conceived due to excessive alcohol consumption. YEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHHH!" ...might have fared just a tad bit better.
ninjalope 0
ha she must have been drunk cause you were adopted
that_guy_ollie 0
hey atleast she did'nt say "well when i was pregnant with you we could'nt afford an aboetion." ...
starile 20
Wooow, that showed up way late in the convo. Good job, FML cell phone app, the joke isn't even funny anymore -.-;;
lmfaoooooooooo 4
I'm sure she meant that in the nicest way possible :P
Sparx1_1 16
Gee your mom has a sense of humour - sucks that you don't. What kind of an answer did you expect for asking your mom an idiotic question like that anyway?
awesom0 0
u shud hav not asked tht and she wouldnt have raped you
ShakesBeer 0
just about ***** up your whole outlook, doesn't it? ;)
xomandaxbearxo 0
That's messed up.