Today, I asked my mother why she didn't drink. She laughed and said, "The last time I drank was the night you were conceived. I didn't need any other disasters." FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my mom got drunk and started crying, ranting about all the things she could have done in life if I hadn't been born. FML
Today, I asked my mom why she drinks. She said she only drinks when she's depressed. My step-dad said she only drinks on the weekend. Those are the days I'm at her house. FML
Today, my drunk mom told me to apologize for being born. FML
Today, I was watching a home video of when my mom was pregnant with me. She had a beer in her hand. FML
Today, my mom came home heavily drunk. As I was taking care of her, she told me all about how I was a mistake. That didn't hurt nearly as much as when she told me she wishes I'd died during her pregnancy. FML
Today, my mother told me that for a period when I was a baby, every night she stood over my crib with a bottle of bourbon and a gun, convincing herself not to shoot me for ruining her life by being born when she was only 18. I wish I could be more like my siblings, who don't visit her anymore. FML
Today, my dad took me to a bar for my first legal drink. He quickly got "drunk" and started slurring that I was an accident, saying the only reason I'm alive is because he'd been too poor to pay for an abortion. As I started crying, he burst out laughing and said soberly, "Just kidding, son." FML
Today, I had to pick up my drunk mom at bar. While we were driving home, she thanked me over and over again, and then said, "Thank god you have no life!" FML
Today, my mom celebrated a year's sobriety by having a couple of beers with her boyfriend. FML
Today, I asked my dad if I was a planned baby. He asked me if the crazy drunken party he and my mom had nine months prior to my birth counted. FML
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Top comments
DocBastard 40
You should have told her that her uterus is so shriveled and dusty at her age that the threat of more pregnancies has passed.
xoxchelaxox08 17
if she really though you were going to be a disaster, she probably would have aborted you. I'm sure she was just joking, or she said that since you were nosing around in her personal business.
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Comments (114)
5t3ff1k4h 47
31 - Thus making it a shitty joke. ;) I'm a fan of CSI and all, but no one knows how to create a GOOD sunglasses gag, and they're so overused I don't care for them anymore. Jeffrey - Internet "badasses"? Thank you for the compliment! Your joke still sucked.
beccamickle 0
haha what a answer!
stephanie911_fml 0
Figures. Only in Kentucky they tell their kids where they were conceived. I love it here.
bmexoxo98 0
ahaha iknow:)
stephanie911_fml 0
Hah, Go big blue( :
unidentified_sta 5
33- Ah, I thought you were making a blanket statement. Gems do exist, but you have to look for them in the right places.
JokeMeister 0
don't ask if u won't like the answer. Heh heh heh.
maybaybe 0
but how would she know what the answers going to be?
zp5 4
J3ffr3y050ri4 - you must be *puts on sunglasses* retarded. YEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHH!
Ipreferbroccoli 0
Heavens, what if alcohol turned her into a cheery drunk? It might cause severe damage to the snide remarks she obviously likes to wear as an accessory. She sure avoided a disaster there. It was probably a joke. Laugh. :)
rooye_fml 0
your mums a cow
Ynunez 3
lol ouch but i also believe she was joking :P
underpaid011 0
don't feel bad. A lot of people are here because their parents were drunk, and wanted a few more laughs before they passed out. seriously. A lot.