Today, while discussing career prospects with my mom, she suggested that I become a penis puppeteer, because "Let's face it, you play with it 24/7. Why not make a career out of it?" Yeah, thanks. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I had nothing better to do than make a penis out of silly putty. FML
Today, and for my entire childhood, my parents made me play the piano until I gave in and just learned to enjoy it somehow. Now, I actually have an opportunity to play professionally, and what did my parents say? “Don’t bother, musicians hardly ever make good money. Get a real job instead.” FML
Today, my obsession with replying "Your Mom" reached a new level when my anatomy teacher asked what I'd done with my pencil. FML
Today, without thinking, I casually advised my mum that the best way to get the piping nozzle clean is to 'fingerfuck' it. FML
Today, I finally figured out what I want to do for the rest of my life. Too bad my tattoos will prevent me from ever getting hired. Guess you were right, Mom. FML
Today, I was doodling randomly during a meeting at work, and I noticed my drawing was beginning to look a bit like a penis. A coworker was eyeing it so I tried to make it something else by adding... oh good, now it's a penis and balls. FML
Today, I had to explain to my girlfriend that getting on all fours and barking at my penis for fun in the center of a mall is extremely inappropriate. She thinks otherwise, and promises to do it again. FML
Today, holding my teenager's hand at the hospital, I unfortunately had a front row seat as a nurse manipulated his penis trying to pop a ball bearing out of his urethra. He had been curious to see if it fit. It did. And no matter how hard he tried he couldn’t pee it out, so off to the hospital we went. FML
Today, I picked up my daughter from the day care but before we left, the babysitter needed to have a talk with me. To fill you in, I got a brand new prius yesterday. Apparently my daughter told eveyone that her mommy got a new penis. FML
Today, despite me being a master-level carpenter, and my art sells for thousands, I heard my mom telling her snobby friends how embarrassed she is of me because I’m “basically unemployed” and waste my time on “hobby crafts” like a teenage nerd instead of getting “a real job” and finding a wife. FML
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Top comments
Wolstenholme 11
******* awesome mom you've got there.
SamanthaNGoree 10
And now I know what I want to be when I grow up!
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Comments (59)
Wolstenholme 11
******* awesome mom you've got there.
Jake_Hale 7
Right?! He could definitely make it a career by selling his sperm
Pussycat86 18
Hahahahahahahaha I like how it sounds but I don't know what the hell that means!!! :D
DFresh503 8
Gotta go with what you're good at, son.
hardonforjesus 10
This FML wasn't as funny once I realised OP is male :(
Mossears133 15
61- How would it have made any sense for OP to be female and penis-less?!
MartiOan 8
Most search engines have an option to turn safe search off and search for pictures, you know? I'm shure you will soon get an idea what it's about.
magicman37 8
Hey I'm sure there's a fetish for that
Sandsh8rk 36
OP's mom is hyperbolising...no-one wanks 24/7
SamanthaNGoree 10
And now I know what I want to be when I grow up!
DFresh503 8
Wat? A penis puppeteer?
corocoro 30
No, DFresh503; he wants to be an astronaut.
Loboman 6
I have the puppet, you be the puppeteer.
Rosebudx 32
Whatever you do, don't book your performances with children. The law frowns on such things for whatever reason.
Olympiakos10 15
Maybe you could be a penis ventriloquist and be the Jeff Dunham of penis puppeteering.
OnlyTheDarkest 17
On a stick... ;)
Cheezes 7
If you polish the bishop that much, you deserved it. BTW, your mom rules.
ViviMage 40
If you ever find a gig, I have an ex that should join in! Is that **** industry, or stupid commercials?
MGITSWFTC 17
That sort of job takes balls, I hear it's very hard. Some penis puppeteers think performing in front of an audience is orgasmic though
abekj52 9
Not everyone has the dexterity to master such a small tool.
brainymes 30
How does she know..?
RoboCunnilingus 23
It's hard not to notice her son is half blind with one muscular arm with fur over the palm.