Today, I applied some things I learned reading a "How to please a woman" book. My wife was in heaven until it was over, then she started crying and yelling about the only way I would learn those things is if I was having an affair. I explained but she doesn't believe me. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I caught my wife trying to give herself oral sex. It was sexy and also kinda funny, so I offered to do it to her properly. She got explosively mad for some reason and actually threw me out. I’m writing this from my brother's spare room, wondering where I went wrong. FML
Today, I was giving my wife a massage. That led to some very intense and passionate love making, and she told me that has been the best sex we’ve had. Next thing I know, she's upset and yelling at me about how massages always lead to sex. She was asking for it. Literally. FML
Today, my wife called me at work, screaming in rage that she hated me, that I was a useless lump, that she wishes we'd never met. Did I have an affair or burn the house down? Nope. I set up the kids' backpacks for school today and forgot a library book that was due today. FML
Today, an hour after having been turned down for sex, I walked in on my wife fingering herself to a copy of War and Peace. FML
Today, my wife caught me masturbating to porn. She screamed at me and asked why I would be masturbating when I had her to have sex with. So I asked if she wanted to have sex, she said no. FML
Today, I got home from work a little late due to bad traffic. My wife kissed me, then flew into a rage and swore that I had the taste of penis on my lips, accusing me of cheating on her with a guy. Apparently she got this insane "test your man" idea from some Cosmo-type magazine. FML
Today, my wife thinks I will agree to anything she says if she just pleasures me orally. I now found out, she is correct. FML
Today, my wife has been super into sex lately, she even let me try some of the stuff she said no to before, and even surprised me with some of the kinky stuff she’s always wanted to try. Sounds great, right? Nope. Turns out she was overcompensating from the guilt of also fucking my coworker. FML
Today, I walked into the bedroom to find my wife naked, bent over the bed, swaying her cheeks back and forth at me, so what else was I to think? Instead of some good loving, all I got was a shouting and a lecture that just because she’s naked doesn’t mean she’s after sex. I give up. FML
Today, I was told I should try treating my wife the way she treats me when I seek out her affection, so she can see how bad it hurts. Not only could I never do that to her, but that would require her attempting to show me even the simplest form of affection. FML
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Top comments
crazyarsedfly 14
Why not just show her the book?
ellemk 0
IF you aren't planning on having an affair, I think that's sweet. Just because he did that doesn't mean he sucks in bed.
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Comments (47)
dloc1 0
you gotta save those tricks for your girlfriend
ellemk 0
IF you aren't planning on having an affair, I think that's sweet. Just because he did that doesn't mean he sucks in bed.
marc_with_a_c 3
you have a stupid wife if she doesn't believe you.. did you show her the book, along the explaination? you seriously didn't pick the brightest one if she still doesn't believe all the proof.. get an affair, at least you'll get accused of something true ;p
kukopia 0
Silly you, you thought 'insatiable' meant her sexuality. It's actually a womans insecurity. It knows no bounds. Just tell her to repay you by doing your kinkiest fantasy or she'll have to allow you to find someone who will.
Roemer 4
What book was it? ;)
EbonyGoddess 0
Wow yall why u so mad??? This guy wus juxs trying to please his wife more!! I would be delighted if mii bf tried that!!!
kukopia 0
# 18; If your bf is anything like you, he can't read a whole book.
perdix 31
That's funny stuff, kukopia! Good one. The good news for her is that those kinds of books feature lots and lots of pictures, so if EbonyGoddess's man has her literacy skill, he'll be OK. The bad news is that he may use the book as a masturbational aid and leave her high and dry, so to speak.
music_baby224 0
haaaaaahahaha. that's wonderful.
macfarley 0
what i take away from this is that she thought he must have been cheating because they're clearly not having enough sex for him to get any good at it. sad panda =(
HXCxSceneKidx 0
Just show her the book dumbass. Or **** with her and say ur bangin a 22 year old with big **** hahahah
eyFuckmylife 0
she's also a bitch and insecure. I know how bad trust problems can be.
waterynuggets 0
Damn. I wouldn't be surprised if she's one of those people that can't tell you what she what she wants.
causelifehappens 0
saw that coming