Today, I actually had to explain to my sister that Shrek was not in fact based on a true story. She replied that I'm a "clueless twat". FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I explained to my sister that the reason she isn't getting job offers is probably because her résumé is in Comic Sans and contains TXT language and a lot of typos. She thanked me for my help by calling me a "clueless horse-fucker" and telling me to shut my mouth. FML
Today, I had to explain to my housemate that the cast of "The Crown" is not the real Royal Family impersonating themselves. FML
Today, my brother was doing an extremely annoying Shrek impression, so I turned the TV on in a desperate attempt to drown him out. You'll never guess what movie was on. FML
Today, my sister told me she doesn't think her mom died the way she was told. Uncomfortable, I declined to give my 2 cents on the matter, saying, "I'm sorry" and, "Oh sh!t, sorry." She started gaslighting me about how I wasn't listening, and I told her I was sorry for being a piece of shit, so she then gaslit me about that too. FML
Today, I listened to my niece explain to me, in great detail, that the Titanic never sank, and that the year it supposedly did was a prediction of 9/11. She learned all of this from some whackjob conspiracy theory videos, and acts like she's an expert now as a result. FML
Today, I had to explain to a friend that the show writers for Glee did not write "Bohemian Rhapsody" and that Freddie Mercury did not steal the song from them. We're both 17 years old, and she reacted by kicking a chair at me. FML
Today, my teacher compared the female reproductive system to Shrek's head. Never again will I be able to watch the movies. FML
Today, I had to explain to someone in my class who Gandhi really was and that he was not a fictional goblin. FML
Today, we were at the end of our surfing trip watching a photo montage. A picture popped up of an ugly girl surfing so I shouted out "I didn't know Shrek could surf". The room went very quiet. "Shrek" was sitting beside me. FML
Today, I tried explaining a movie plot to a group of friends, only for them to inform me I had described three completely different movies. One said my version actually sounded better. Another asked if I’d hit my head recently. FML
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Top comments
goingsolo211 8
And now you're gonna tell me Santa isnt real too?
rg350dx 29
You might want to consider dental hygiene if you're old enough to live alone and are still losing teeth.
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Comments (56)
DaniPandi 22
Based on the language and nature of this FML, I'm guessing old enough to know better.
abekj52 9
She got you good, op.
superman3212 8
let that retard believe. no offence
LadyMiyako 2
Um the character Sherk is based on a real person so your sister is kinda right.
buddy51 23
OP, come on, you should know by now that, when dealing with your sister, you have to repeat to yourself "You can't fix stupid, you can't fix stupid!" When you say that, it won't hurt so much when the clueless twat calls you a clueless twat, or gets drunk and compares you favorably to Shamu!! Hang in there, OP, your sister's doomed to an idiot's life while you might be marginally smarter!!
sailbot1 4
Exactly. I haven't heard many 10 year olds saying that.
crzycookie 7
YDI. She probably was referring to it being based off the book Shrek! Written in 1990 by William Tieg or that the character for Shrek was modeled off the French wrestler Maurice Tillet.
Wizzlbang 10
You better check yourself before you Shrek yourself, OP.
Tabbir 10
This sounds exactly like my sister
MandieL 27
There is nothing wrong with having a child's imagination as long as it doesn't affect your real life. How do you think authors write books and screen writers write scripts??