Optimus_Prime97
United States
Today, I accidentally adopted a dolphin for $125. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Same thing different taste
violated ._.
United States
Today, I did something I'd always wanted to do: I went swimming with dolphins. It was really fun, until I went to kiss the dolphin, and she slipped her tongue half into my mouth. FML
Anonymous
Malaysia
Harmless, huh?
Today, my family and I went to a beach where you could swim with dolphins. I was a little scared to swim with them so the trainers had a five minute chat to me about how they were harmless creatures. Once I got in, the dolphin attacked me and bit me. FML
Betchsadface
United States
Today, I got bitch-slapped by a walrus at Sea Life Park. FML
anbrown6
United States
Cough up
Today, I found my dog, who had been missing for over a month, at the local pound. Clearly it was my dog, she responded to her name and cried when she saw me. However, the woman there told me I could not simply take her, I had to follow through with all policies. I paid $250 to adopt my own dog. FML
Anonymous
Australia
Today, I bought a new goldfish. While leaving my fish on my balcony to go get fish food, I hear a loud squawk and splash, I race outside to see a bird flying off with my fish. FML
Anonymous
Moline, United States
You were loved
Today, my boyfriend and I spent almost $500 adopting a senior cat and buying everything we needed to take care of him. He died 6 hours later. FML
Jayman223
Reno, United States
Today I adopted a dog. He ran away the same day. FML
Anonymous
London, United Kingdom
Quack
Today, I stopped at a park because a duck was following me. I assumed it wanted food, so I gave it a small piece of bread. It followed me to my car, waited beside the door, and then followed me across the parking lot. I may have accidentally adopted a duck. FML
Bubba
United States
Today, I bought a fish bowl and a fish for $15. I brought him home and sat him on my desk. Everything was going well until the shelf gave out and his bowl slid off of the shelf... onto my $2,000 computer. The computer is fried and is not covered by the insurance, the fish is fine. FML
That idiot
Las Vegas, United States
Today, I won a goldfish at the amusement park. My little brother took him out of the bowl because he thought he was drowning. FML
Top comments
YdoIhaveAchode 4
How do you "accidentally" adopt a dolphin?
waresjake 3
You're going to get so many bitches with a dolphin
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Comments (270)
YdoIhaveAchode 4
How do you "accidentally" adopt a dolphin?
waresjake 3
You're going to get so many bitches with a dolphin
jerseyboy732 16
you get drunk at sea world
cakeddeath 1
Show me the PayPal!
DontClickOnMe 28
There have actually been cases of dolphins raping people. Creepy, I know. You can Google dolphin rape case if you don't believe me.
Jonkbaby 23
good for you. sometimes some moms don't have the support of the dad or are hooked on drugs. hoping for the best
jerseyboy732 16
32: WRONG FML!
tothenifty 1
he thought it was a sex toy
taera 8
They are quite easily confused with porpoises, eh?
HeyMondayAddict 4
Dolphins are one of the only animals that have sex for pleasure.
taera 8
Dolphins swim. Equally irrelevant to this fml I hope...unless ********** is involved. 0.o.
mugu 0
Ray William Johnson lol its true.... Dolphins rape humans!!
FMLshark 12
My shark and your dolphin should have a playdate sometime, OP. ;)
Da_Bauss435 8
One does not simply just adopt a dolphin by accident.
Jonkbaby 23
when a dolphin and a shark fight, the dolphin usually wins
nightheat 5
-____-
KaanTech 0
Hey 23 how are you ? Guess what i clicked on you again. Sorry
LaidToRest48 9
Bitches love dolphins
cayytee 0
exactly. how do you accidently send money/check or put in credit card numbers...
I_lost_the_game 25
91- is that supposed to be a whale?
haZzbin 0
There's this type of monkey that also does
jbizzle2688 6
That was my first thought
Chacon93 1
First thing that popped up in my head was, "hey dats cheap!" lol
iBanana 17
Dolphins are just gay sharks.
theangelfromhell 6
My thoughts exactly #1 :) great minds think alike :)
guci101 14
That's what I was thinking
noelykins1 19
It's probably one of those things were you donate money to save the animals..
maddhat 10
It wasn't an accident, OP. You did it on porpoise.
doctor__who 19
Maybe OP thought it was to buy something else...something not a dolphin.
JerryThePenguin 4
I'm guessing you got this information from Wikipedia, the world's worst information source that any idiotic nine-year-old can edit. Am I right?
aaaaaah_fml 10
same way you accidentally fall on to someone's dick
Sunyboy 12
The fu....
ycrem0n 21
...n you can experience with a dolphin
FMLshark 12
...ck happened to the rest of that sentence?
Krirn 21
Laziness at its finest. Either that or he had a stroke mid-comment.
Just_STFU_Please 13
That is the best investment you will ever make. A dolphin for 125$!! You OP are going to get the ladies!! Look at this as a blessing in disguise.
MiniNyn 5
128: it's more like a sponsorship than a physical adoption.
jdizz16 16
My sentiments exactly # 2
v1kt4r 13
Your sentiments about a random dolphin adoption are to take a dump?? o.O
xBulldogBabex 0
128: in his bathtub, obviously
NBL_fml 8
What did you think you were buying while putting down your information or logging into PayPal.
_ebbonyy 11
were you on something or drunk? if not, it's a little bit alarming that while you were putting in your details and everything necessary to make a purchase like that, you didn't realise you were, in fact, buying a dolphin haha
thejewishfuhrer 17
Seeing as OP is Optimus prime, it's obvious he was looking to buy some scrap metal and car parts...
Il_Maestro 6
He had to put in his credit card info! How else could he collect the prize for being the millionth visitor?
misscupcakequeen 5
What does OP stand for?
angiemarie96 25
Original poster
HeyMondayAddict 4
Thats ******* awesome.
emILYforever 0
yeah I know, how the **** is this an FML?;)
emILYforever 0
yes I know right!!! this is more like a 'yay my life' than a '**** my life':)
Da_Bauss435 8
He'll yes they are and he should have brought it home and taught it tricks! And for all you assholes out there, yes I know he can't really bring it home.
Da_Bauss435 8
*Hell* stupid auto correct on my iPhone.
Heinousness 0
OP, you should be ******* glad!
mango260 9
Dolphins are awesome!
Da_Bauss435 8
Get that bitch a dolphin. Bitches love dolphins.
Jaxx66 21
I adopted a Giraffe once. But I could pet and feed her whenever I went back too the zoo after that. I wonder how it works with dolphins...
Weezay 5
Tomorrow, I accidentally bought a whale. FML
DontClickOnMe 28
That's awesome! Over here it costs like $300 just to swim with them for only a few hours!
yahoowizard 16
I see an opportunity
Jaxx66 21
A few hours??? I want to go! That's longer than here. It costs more like 250$ an hour here. :(
ananonymousguy 0
Buy dolphins, get women, make money. Good thing I haven't paid to go to college yet.
pugpuggy 21
There isn't even anywhere in my country you can go swimming with dolphins!
jerseyboy732 16
I hope you have a swimming pool
VoteForTaco 8
No, but he does have a sink.
sunshimegrimm3 0
Hahahaaa
Jf770 10
"Please have sex with me" "No." "I have a dolphin" "Ok" You will never have another "Dry spell" again.
sean0206 5
Lol sooo this would work on you hmm? Looks like I need to figure how to do this too.
trahelion 0
Would work for me *shrug* Who doesn't want a hot dolphin 3 way?
fthislyfe 22
12 is right. Bitches love dolphins.
challan 19
Especially on grandmas. Old lady's love those ceramic dolphin displays. Op will be getting mad geriatric play. Op: Hey momma, I just got myself a dolphin. Granny: Just let me take my teeth out.
CryMoreFMLs 15
97 - What in the actual ****?
Michaelsgirl04 9
30: dude. she's 15. I don't care how you meant it, that's beyond creepy
flockz 20
for some reason reading challan's comment made my penis cringe.
challan 19
103- the gum job doesn't do it for you? ;) 98- try and keep up, man!
KiddNYC1O 22
"Your car, chick magnet? Pfft. I have a dolphin, my friend." Lol.