Optimus_Prime97
United States
Today, I accidentally adopted a dolphin for $125. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Same thing different taste
violated ._.
United States
Today, I did something I'd always wanted to do: I went swimming with dolphins. It was really fun, until I went to kiss the dolphin, and she slipped her tongue half into my mouth. FML
Anonymous
Malaysia
Harmless, huh?
Today, my family and I went to a beach where you could swim with dolphins. I was a little scared to swim with them so the trainers had a five minute chat to me about how they were harmless creatures. Once I got in, the dolphin attacked me and bit me. FML
Betchsadface
United States
Today, I got bitch-slapped by a walrus at Sea Life Park. FML
anbrown6
United States
Cough up
Today, I found my dog, who had been missing for over a month, at the local pound. Clearly it was my dog, she responded to her name and cried when she saw me. However, the woman there told me I could not simply take her, I had to follow through with all policies. I paid $250 to adopt my own dog. FML
Anonymous
Australia
Today, I bought a new goldfish. While leaving my fish on my balcony to go get fish food, I hear a loud squawk and splash, I race outside to see a bird flying off with my fish. FML
Anonymous
Moline, United States
You were loved
Today, my boyfriend and I spent almost $500 adopting a senior cat and buying everything we needed to take care of him. He died 6 hours later. FML
Jayman223
Reno, United States
Today I adopted a dog. He ran away the same day. FML
Anonymous
London, United Kingdom
Quack
Today, I stopped at a park because a duck was following me. I assumed it wanted food, so I gave it a small piece of bread. It followed me to my car, waited beside the door, and then followed me across the parking lot. I may have accidentally adopted a duck. FML
Bubba
United States
Today, I bought a fish bowl and a fish for $15. I brought him home and sat him on my desk. Everything was going well until the shelf gave out and his bowl slid off of the shelf... onto my $2,000 computer. The computer is fried and is not covered by the insurance, the fish is fine. FML
That idiot
Las Vegas, United States
Today, I won a goldfish at the amusement park. My little brother took him out of the bowl because he thought he was drowning. FML
Top comments
YdoIhaveAchode 4
How do you "accidentally" adopt a dolphin?
waresjake 3
You're going to get so many bitches with a dolphin
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Comments (270)
DespairFaction 11
Hope the Dolphin is as awesome as flipper.
Enslaved 38
Seems cheap for a dolphin, unless it's mahi-mahi dolphin instead. ***I've heard that dolphins and humans both mate JUST for fun. (:
MaxG123 8
Least he didn't steal the Dolphin, unlike the last person who stole Dirk the Penguin on a drunk night out.
PaperCandles 0
Pretty cheap price to pay for your very own dolphin. :) but you deserved that.
Xythenol 6
What does Optimus Prime want with a dolphin?
brittanyyjay 0
kingbling11 12
Are you sure you didn't do it on porpoise?
PaperCandles 0
Nice pun :P
aali12 7
Amazing pun...
laurenberky 9
Haha that's punny!
mugu 0
I remembered the Ray W Johnson video about dolphins raping humans... I'm not ******** u, it's true.. Google it!!
aileen15 15
dolphin raping a human?is that even possible? wth haha
your_face 15
My biology teacher once went on a trip somewhere with dolphins... she went swimming and a dolphin came up and started trying to have sex with her. Apparently the backs of humans' knees look like a dolphin vajayjay o.O
doodlecloud 27
I was gonna say FML because I hate dolphins but that's kinda good actually...now, when we witness their bloody, murderous uprising, maybe they'll spare you?
RachelRampageXD 6
Well... Us girls sure love dolphins. So yep you will never have to worry about being single!!
cookeemonster 7
Just a quick thing for idiots saying ' have a pool, or I wish I could swim with the dolphins', or other related things ADOPT does Not necessarily mean KEEP AS A PET. In this case, he means adopt as in the animals you pay for each month to help survive. Part of the $ goes to the animal organization, part to the keeper of the animal to help support the cost of food And medication ect and the rest to charities that help keep animals alive. IT IS NOT A PET. Just clearing that up.
GawdamitNappa 4
I was wondering how long it would take for someone to say this. My brother "adopted" a Florida panther once.
your_face 15
You're probably right... but then, those don't usually cost $125 a month, do they? Or is there a one-time large fee and then a smaller monthly fee? I've never adopted a dolphin...