Today, for the second time in two months, the person in the bathroom stall next to me commented on how loud I pee. This time, she made racehorse noises. I'm now too self-conscious to pee in public again. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was in a stall in a public restroom. Someone came in and started using one of the urinals. Somehow, before I knew it, I found I had just loudly whispered, "SOMEbody's taking a piiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiss." FML
Today, despite my fear of using public restrooms, I was forced to anyway to avoid my bladder exploding. I was finally getting over it when someone stuck their head under the stall to "see if someone's in there". I'm scared more now than I was before. FML
Today, I really had to pee so I took the only stall that was available in the bathroom: the handicapped stall. A girl in a wheelchair came in seconds later and cursed at me for taking her designated spot. FML
Today, at work, I had to use the bathroom to urinate. It's basically in an open plan office, so everyone can hear absolutely everything. After successfully and discreetly doing my business, I noticed a bit of dirt on the wall. I gave it a rub with my thumb on the smooth tile. It sounded exactly like a loud fart. FML
Today, at work while on the toilet, somebody came into the stall next to me and gave a loud play by play of every fart, plop, and grunt. He then asked loudly who I was and when I didn't answer put his head under the stall to look at me. FML
Today, I still have my ridiculous fear of being heard on the toilet, and I can't go if people are around. I'd just sat down on the toilet when three of my housemates started chatting immediately outside the door. I had to sit silently until they were gone. For half an hour. FML
Today, my thigh was itchy, so I went into a bathroom stall to scratch it. I, for some reason, moaned out loud while doing it. After that, the men's bathroom went completely silent. FML
Today, I had no choice but to use a public bathroom. I have issues going when there are others in the stalls, and apparently another person did as well. We both sat there in silence, waiting stubbornly for the other to give up and leave so we could go. It’s been 20 minutes. FML
Today, I was peeing in a public bathroom when a guy walked in and passed by 4 open urinals to use the one next to mine. After feeling his gaze for a second, I confronted him with my own, in hopes he would stop. Instead, I stared into a stranger's eyes until I finished peeing. FML
Today, I had to use a public bathroom. I have problems going when other people are there, so I waited until everyone left. Two girls noticed I was taking a long time, and started giggling and throwing notes under the door asking if I was alive. This continued for half an hour. FML
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Top comments
karlcolt45 19
be proud of your stream, young Seabiscuit. it's really nothing to be embarrassed about
pepsi_ftw 13
You should have neighed. Awe well I hope you feel less self conscious :)
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Comments (82)
perdix 31
You ought to get a urethral muffler installed. Yeah, they make them. How would you like to be on that design project team?
MWidderAUDI 14
I'd be pissed.
KareBear7364 5
dude who says shit like that? how weird! who cares though at least you're not farting.
docscientist 10
Own it. And if it happens again, pee louder in defiance.
doritowhore 9
The world would be a lot more pleasant if people could just keep their unnecessary comments to themselves-especially ones pertaining to public bathroom situations.
luminos_ 9
I understand how you must feel OP. The trick is to start pulling out the toilet tissue in a very loud and messy manner to cover up your pee-noise.
lmngrl889 14
or to flush and then pee!
beanthemouse 13
Through my whole life, I never really cared about public bathroom noises. Mine or others. Beacuse I always thought everyone would expect those noises in bathrooms :/ *insert my mind is full of **** meme here* I would if replied "Well, what do you expect in a public bathroom?!?"
buckdharma 38
Get your trainer to fit you with ear muffs next time so there's no distractions.
GrinchFu1 27
Next time you have to pee in public just throw a couple of handfuls of toilet paper in the toilet before you sit down. The wet paper will act as sort of a buffer between your pee and the water. The pee hits the wet paper and it won't sound so loud. Problem solved :-)
billyz77 24
Interesting trick, 34. I think I'll give that a try next time I gotta piss at three in the morning and don't want to wake my wife who is sleeping on the other side of a very thin wall.
GrinchFu1 27
The trick is to start peeing before all the paper is wet. I should have stated that earlier, lol.
tika12991 15
I think I would have got a 2 litre bottle of water and started pouring it down the toilet, then 'accidentally' spilt some on the floor near the cubicle she was in. Then yelled out "MAN, can't believe I missed AGAIN!" The water would have some yellow food colouring in it, of course :-P
MisterEx 28
Apologize to her, and suggest that it won't make as much noise if it was going down her throat.