Today, at a mind-numbingly boring support session, everyone was talking about their hardships. One guy was talking about losing his leg in a car accident. I was half-asleep and asked without thinking, "Did you ever find it?" I almost shat my pants at the roomful of death glares that followed. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, while making small talk with a veteran, I made the mistake of using the phrase "Cost an arm and a leg". He was a double amputee. FML
Today, bored to death, I tried to quietly leave a meeting early. The chair screeched loudly as I stood, and my badge fell off and skidded across the floor. Everyone stopped talking to watch me retrieve it before I awkwardly sat back down. FML
Today, my anatomy teacher was putting together a skeleton model for class. He had misplaced the leg bone, so I thoughtfully asked, "What's the matter, lose a leg?" Unfortunately, there's nothing thoughtful about asking that question to a guy with an amputated leg. FML
Today, at work, I misheard a customer telling me a story. To be polite, I did a slight laugh and nodded my head. She actually told me her mum had died. FML
Today, I was explaining a complex work issue to my team. I moved my chair back so I could see them all. The leg of my chair went into a hole in the floor, causing it to fall over and me with it. I tried to finish explaining but everyone was laughing so hard they couldn't hear. Then they realized I couldn't get up. FML
Today, working on an ambulance, we had an elderly man who was obviously scared, so to get his mind off things I made small talk. When I went to ask if he was retired, it came out as, "So Steve, are you retarded?" My partner/supervisor across from me had tears running down her face from trying not to laugh. FML
Today, I was sitting in on a boring presentation at work. I yawned and shifted in my chair, accidentally sitting on my testicles. I shrieked in pain and spent the next five minutes choking back tears, while my boss told me to shut my mouth and stop fucking around. FML
Today, I witnessed a horrible car accident and was interviewed by the local news. During the interview I said, "It was terrible. It was like watching a silent movie... but there was sound!" The interview has been aired 6 times. FML
Today, while chatting with my in-laws, I told them about my upcoming spinal surgery. Soon after, when I went to get us some drinks, I overheard them murmuring about how many surgeries I've already had, how I'm a drain on the healthcare system, and how I should ideally just die. FML
Today, I attended the will reading of the old lady who accidentally ran me over with her car years ago. I was affectionately mentioned and was left with something rather substantial. I had to listen through all that while getting evil leers and silently judged by family members who got squat. FML
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Top comments
rachelottavia 16
I feel really bad for the person who lost his leg and was telling the story. To see someone fall asleep while recounting something that traumatizing probably hurt even more
oobergoober89 16
You kinda deserve it
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Comments (100)
Glasshoney 9
BAHAHA ??? This made me bust out laughing so loud! Thanks for sharing!
Eloxia 7
Hopefully you're in this support group because you have narcolepsy and need to discuss the problems of falling asleep at the wrong time.
Exsequor 14
This is the first FML I actually laughed out loud at. I'm sure you feel awful but that's hilarious
bgon1350 4
now remove the foot from your mouth and give him back his leg
James12345678910 6
You are gonna go far in life! ?
CaptainBlack 18
You're going to be a terrific father some day if you keep it up with the dad jokes.
malachite1357 11
This is sad. I say, FML for the poor people who were in the group. If you don't want to be in this "boring" support group because it interferes with your nap please do not come because there are people who need it more, or please try not to fall asleep, for the respect of others. I just do not think this is fair to everyone else that was there, especially the man who lost his leg. Sorry, had to put that out there.
rexey83 8
Did he ever find it?
NutellaBear 3
Bravo! Well done! The main result though is you probably came off as an airhead. I hope you did pardon yourself privately to the guy however. Depending upon past events, you could have always claimed that you are at the support group because your therapist has determined you lack empathy.....
Candied_person 13
I'd be the a at the back of tv room laughing