Today, as if to prove that there is no end to the unspeakable stupidity of the human race, a patient was brought into my hospital, needing a cellphone removed from his anus. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I finally got my hands on the new iPhone 5, after I pulled it out of a patient's rectum. FML
Today, my son called me from medical school, asking for a new phone. Why? Because he dropped it in the toilet. How? Trying to take a video of his anus while taking a dump. I pay $80,000 a year just to hear he took a dump on his phone. FML
Today, holding my teenager's hand at the hospital, I unfortunately had a front row seat as a nurse manipulated his penis trying to pop a ball bearing out of his urethra. He had been curious to see if it fit. It did. And no matter how hard he tried he couldn’t pee it out, so off to the hospital we went. FML
Today, my ambulance got called out for a "stomach pain" patient. Upon assessment, the guy really did have stomach pain. His colostomy bag fell off a week ago, so to stop the crap from falling out, he duct taped it shut. It exploded when I helped him up. FML
Today, at the age of 25, for the first time in my life, I was lying mostly naked in front of a man while he was inserting something in my body. Too bad that man was a doctor and that thing was a colonoscopy. FML
Today, a patient at the hospital I work at had a tracheal tube and couldn't speak. I'm unable to read lips, but I'm pretty sure he was mouthing the words "Stupid bitch" every time I tried to stop him from pulling out his IV. FML
Today, I went to the ER as I have an ulcer and I was exhibiting signs of a perforation. This is when the gorgeous doctor told me he had to stick his finger up my butt to check for rectal bleeding. FML
Today, I learned that even though they say that an apple a day keeps the doctor away, it doesn't keep him from putting a Q-tip up your ass. FML
Today, I heard on a TV show that it's possible to fit a standard light-bulb in your mouth, but it can't be removed afterwards. I just had to try this out. And then visit the local hospital to get it removed. FML
Today, after suffering from constipation for three days, I finally took a dump. Just as things reached the point of no return, my land line and doorbell all rang. FML
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Top comments
WCARlover 35
I get calls from assholes all the time, though...(I work in retail)
Nyx_fml 23
Hey, he was just trying to make contact with Uranus. Or Hisanus, rather.
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Comments (190)
Schizomaniac 24
Well that person took butt-dialing to a hole new level. Edit: **** the guy above me and **** my apparent lack of originality.
thatdangmexican 18
Sorry, dude! :/
Kallian_fml 21
Dang Mexicans...
YOLO_SWAG_2013 3
Whole*
Not_Impressed13 9
#100 - The fact that the pun went right over your head does not surprise me. "YOLO" and "SWAG"? Both in one username??
ZombieInConverse 13
2 questions; how and why?
truesarrif 33
two questions and one answer.. sexually depraved individual.
NotoriousLES 14
The other possibility, he came in from jail. The ass is the preferred hiding spot for all things contraband, and cell phones are definitely valuable contraband. So, he's either a perv or a convict, or both.
Inediblepeaches 15
They'd show up in an X-Ray though...
Jivesliven 24
His girlfriend found out he's been seeing another woman and shoved it up his ass.
NotoriousLES 14
They get around x-ray sometimes. Someone throws an item at the fence line, or a worker brings it in. The inmates retrieve it and then hide it.
Enslaved 38
"Can you hear me now?"
hopsinlove17 26
..."Good(;"
WCARlover 35
I'm guessing it happens when a phone is shoved up someone's ass, just saying
gary8082 14
He was just talking out of his ass.
jw90 18
Kids and their bright ideas.
allie2590 31
Hey, it could've been a 50 year old man who "fell" on it.
olpally 33
His way of trying to hide his drug dealers phone numbers? That or he was in a drunken state of mind and his friends dared him to shove it in there. Haha. Have fun op.
Ari1337 15
the vibration is very tempting... or so I've heard.
olpally 33
Suurrreeee^^^ *wink wink* *nudge nudge*
CarissaKiller 8
He was probably trying to submit to Hunter Moore. Nbhnc
Enslaved 38
Maybe his gerbil wanted to make a call.
AnOriginalName 19
#3, that's what happens when the OP takes his girlfriend out to tell her that he's been cheating on her.