Today, an older man sat next to me while he ate his lunch. He dropped what I assumed was his cutlery. Wanting to help out, I picked it up off the floor. It was his teeth. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, at my job serving, I went to clear the plates when a guy said, "Hold on a second." Thinking he wasn't quite finished, I went to put the plate back. He then reached into his mouth, pulled out a dark brown object and threw it on the plate. It was a rotten tooth. I almost puked. FML
Today, I saw my dad pick his teeth with a toothpick from a new box. He ate the food he got out of his teeth and put the toothpick back. FML
Today, I went on a date with someone I really like. Midway through dinner, I felt something stuck in my teeth and, trying to be discreet, attempted to remove it. In the process, I flicked a piece of food across the table and it landed in his drink. He looked at it, then at me, then sighed. FML
Today, I ate out, even though I was tired. When my main course arrived, I realised I had sent both my forks away with the starter plate. Rather than say anything, I ate dinner with two knives. FML
Today, I got a meat pie for lunch. I bit into it and felt something hard. I spat it out. It was a tooth. I checked my mouth in a panic and discovered, with mixed feelings of relief and horror, that the tooth wasn’t mine. FML
Today, I cut my nice and tasty home-made sandwich in half to give to a homeless man. He tasted it, pulled an unimpressed face, and then stuck it in his pocket. FML
Today, I went out to lunch on my break. When I got back to work, I noticed I had something in my teeth. After trying to get it out with my tongue, I finally went to my car for some floss. I ended up pulling a 4 inch pube out of my back teeth. It certainly wasn't mine. FML
Today, at work, I watched a man throw up in his hands, dump the contents on his plate, then eat the things it "didn't touch." I had to wash his plate. FML
Today, I spent hours trying to get a piece of food out of my two front teeth. I didn't have anything I could use, until I went out to dinner and got a toothpick. I finally got the food out of teeth. The toothpick broke. Now the tip of the toothpick is stuck in my teeth. FML
Today, I dropped some food on the floor and picked it back up, took a bite, and quickly realised it had toenail cuttings in it. I never cut my toenails in my dining room. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
manforgot 1
How on earth do you mistake teeth for cutlery?
3kitten3 10
You where partially correct. It was "cutlery". XD heehee
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (66)
bandgeek1575 5
this is why you never assume anything. assume makes an ann out of u and me. in this case, you were the ass.
skulluks 0
Why did you post a good deed on FML? Your a dumb ass, somebody should punch you.
briidontgive_ 0
and I'm sure he doesntt like the flavor of your fingerss either :/
jbsington 8
when you assume, it makes an ass out of u and me *trollface* problem?
Miss_Random 0
A little shocking once you realized what you were holding, but otherwise whatever. Just wash your hands. You'll live. And just think of that man. He must of been embarrassed.
A100893 30
I'm sure he appreciated it anyway. It's the thought that counts. Wash your hands of it and move on.
xbarron99 0
I call bs on this post. you gotta be a retard to mistake those two
takemethere 0
ewwww!
Pownzeez 0
you could say thats a form of cutlery lol
meowmeowwkitty 0
purell that shiiiiittt