Today, an attractive woman sat beside me at the doctor's office. Unfortunately, on my other side was my senile old uncle who can't control his bowels, and after a few uncontrollable farts, she was on the other side of the room. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was in the doctor's office waiting for my husband to arrive, when a little old lady sat beside me. She seemed nice, until she started farting and blaming it on me. They weren't silent; they sounded like trucker farts and smelled like death. I was there for over an hour. FML
Today, I was sitting in the doctor's waiting room and thought that I was alone. I let rip two massive farts before realising there was a very short woman behind the computer screen at the desk. FML
Today, I was very tense as I sat in the chair for my gyno appointment, so the doctor repeatedly told me to relax, in order for her to do the routine exam. I then overcompensated and relaxed so much, I accidentally farted in her face. FML
Today, my husband and I were at the mall, and decided to have a snack at the food court. As we ate, an obese woman squeezed past our table, butt facing us. Just when her ass-cheeks slid past our heads, she let out a horrific fart that my father would be proud of. FML
Today, I accidentally let out a silent but obscenely deadly fart in the doctor's waiting room. It was so foul that a woman got insanely pissed at her kid because she thought he'd shat his pants again. FML
Today, while I was sitting in a waiting room to be seen, my service dog (who was tucked under the bench I was sitting) let out the most vile, silent but deadly fart. The person near me retched and heaved, and I got death glares while someone sprayed their old lady perfume to mask the smell. FML
Today, I had a consultation for an upcoming surgery I need done. The doctor (who is very handsome and in his late twenties) asked me to flex my stomach and act like I was trying to use the bathroom. As I was enjoying him touching my stomach, I farted. FML
Today, I was waiting in line to use the bathroom. I complained to the guy next to me about how long the lady was taking. I kept making jokes about it, but he never seemed to laugh. Finally, the door opened and out came a lady in a wheelchair. The guy next to me was her husband. FML
Today, I went out to a nice restaurant for my friend's birthday. I went to the bathroom and heard the woman in the other stall crying. She couldn't pull her underwear up over her obese, old-lady ass because her arms don't reach that far anymore. I was the only one there. I had no choice. FML
Today, while flirting with a cute nurse at my dad's bedside, I accidentally let a noxious fart slip out and she thought the foul smell came from my sleeping father soiling himself. I let her roll him over and check his ass while he cried out in pain because I wasn't man enough to own up to it. FML
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Top comments
Checker 20
Is a doctor's office really a great place to pick up women?
Zarcissa 34
Don't blame your uncle for something he has no control over. There'll be lots of attractive girls later in life, but your uncle might not live long.
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Comments (26)
xx000o 27
And why weren't you on the other side of the room if he was that odiferous?
writerchic85 26
Because that would be awful to do to his own family member who is sick and needs support.
InfiniteSunshine 32
It also says the uncle is "senile" what that usually means is he's old and not entirely mentally sound. Leaving someone like that alone would not only be irresponsible, but cruel.
skyeyez9 25
She may have been nauseated to begin with since she wasnt feeling well. Being so close to a man releasing rancid farts may have made her vomit.
asiansapphire 10
was she the only person who understand ur grandpa's farting language?
yellowzinnias 20
Attractive women will come and go. And, apparently, take your car with them and set it aflame. Your uncle will always be your family and, since you were at the doctor with him, I assume you have a good relationship. Look after him first, worry about your blue balls later.
ouijacorn 9
Dude, you're gross. Are you sure she didn't move because this creepy jerk was leering at her? Nobody goes to the doctor to get hit on, knock it off with that bullshit.
LaineeLuv95 12
i mean why worry about a woman when your around an elderly your supposed to take care?.... sounds kinda.... wow