Today, after setting up surveillance in my front yard to see whose dog keeps crapping on my lawn, I finally caught the culprit on film. It was my heroin addict neighbour. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I had to call the cops on my neighbor. I was heading off to work when I saw him actually shitting in our yard. The reason? They caught my dumbass rebel of a son on their security camera, shitting in their yard. FML
Today, my thundercunt of a neighbor, who's hated me since I moved in, called the cops on me. He told them he saw me shooting up on drugs. I'm diabetic and was injecting insulin, which he could only have seen by spying on me through my living room window. FML
Today, my neighbours watched and laughed as I chased my dog around the lawn, trying to rescue the only clean pair of underwear I had in my house. FML
Today, my neighbor finally decided that when she walks her dog, she should pick up his poop. She also decided to leave the poop-filled bags in my driveway. I confronted her about this and she claimed it's never happened. I've watched her multiple times from my front window. FML
Today, I had to call the cops on my batshit crazy neighbor, who’s repeatedly threatened to steal my dog. I finally got her ass on camera. She swears that my dog is being abused because it prefers to sleep outside instead of being in the house. Imagine that, an animal that likes being outside. FML
Today, after house sitting for my neighbor, I realized that he has a camera pointed at my pool. FML
Today, I wanted revenge on my neighbor, whose dog craps in my yard, so I spent a day at the dog park gathering up dog shit. I piled it up by the property line and ran over it with the mower, intending to spray his driveway and car with turds. Instead, it gummed up the mower. Now it stinks too bad to fix. FML
Today, I took my dog for a walk. He started crapping on someone's lawn, then I noticed that the owner was outside and giving me a death stare. Not knowing what to do, I picked up the crap with my bare hands. The man started laughing at me. FML
Today, I caught some perverts sitting in a car in front of my house, spying on my neighbors. When they refused to leave, I grabbed a baseball bat and they sped off in a hurry. Later, those same perverts came back to arrest my neighbors for drug trafficking. I had threatened cops. FML
Today, I saw my cat outside taking a dump. I pulled back the curtain and watched him clean it up, because I found it fascinating that animals can do that. I must have been standing there for several minutes before I noticed the neighbour next door looking at me being fascinated by my cat pooing. FML
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Top comments
CAPTmok 7
Good thing...... now call the cops
MzKylz 0
I would go n shit on his doorstep then.. lol
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Comments (146)
Lililthx 7
Who's or Whose? I'm French, but i'd have chosen "Whose". Someone?
ChrisLTC 3
I'm pretty sure who's is correct as in "who is ******** on my lawn" I think whose is used as in "whose god damn dog keeps ******** on my lawn?"
ChrisLTC 3
I mean whose would of been correct as you say :)
docscientist 10
Yeah, whose is the possessive form. Who's is just the contraction of who is.
Lililthx 7
Thanks! Seeing what the author wrote, I definitely would have put "whose". That was the English lesson of the day! :D
elrusso 0
I approve have 53's message.
ImaginaryFoe 1
Whose would be correct in the post. "To see who is dog keeps..." makes no sense. Possessive pronouns have no need of apostrophes (his, hers, its, whose, etc.).
wildfan997 3
Whose
twistedgrudge 0
lmfao thats funny bit sucks
cptmorgan15 2
Big deal. Here's what you do. Let the shit dry out and harden. Break it down into crumbs. Then, when he/she's not home, break into his/her house and put it in their food: cereal, oatmeal, sloppy joe mix, ice cream, etc. The opportunities of doing something awesome are endless.
riley322 0
Or...take said shit crumbs, and place them in a baggie. Call the douche bag neighbor, explaining that you just scored some primo smack from your "guy," and you got a couple of girls over who want to party. When he comes running to your door, open the bag, then the door. As he stares at you with a bewildered look, blow the shit crumbs into his face, and slam the door. Problem solved.
ScuseMePrincess 2
Call the police and/or shoot him.
atomicbaboon 0
why not shoot him and then call the police?
khaya 9
Bribe him with heroine to stop doing it, an air tight plan in my book.
noname5067 0
Dog ***** are very different from human *****.. How could you not tell the difference?
Hippie6 0
hahahahahahahahaha omfg fyl annd ure lawn bro!!!!! hahahahahahahahahaha
max_wilder 9
sounds like a fun time to me
allmidnighteyes 11
He may be on heroin, but at least he's eating. He's a healthy addict.
satanstolemysock 11
*whose And how on Earth could you not tell the difference between human crap and dog crap? Unless heroin addict crap looks like dog crap...
melbadelb 0
my thoughts exactly :)