Today, after my landlord commented on how rarely I drink milk, and I joked that I'm "probably going to die young" because of it, I immediately remembered that her 35-year-old husband died last year of a heart attack. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I witnessed a man die from a heart attack. When I told my dad later, he said "Lose some weight or you'll be next." FML
Today, I found a small bottle of chocolate milk in the fridge from McDonald's. I've been living with my grandparents while going to college and figuring they'd never drink it themselves, I took a sip. It had expired two years ago. FML
Today, I jokingly mocked my dad about his age. He jokingly poured milk all over my head. FML
Today, my doctor died. Last week, after a check up I'd had because I was worried about a cough, he told me not to worry because I was as healthy as he was. FML
Today, I was at a party and saw an old friend from college. I went up to her asking how she was and how her family was. She went on to tell me that her husband left her a month ago and started crying. I told her that he was an ass anyway and that she didn't need him. Turns out he died. FML
Today, my coworker said that she suddenly got the shivers. I jokingly told her that it meant she must be being watched by a dead person and made stupid ghost noises. She then told me it was the anniversary of her dad's death and burst into tears. FML
Today, I had a heart attack. At the hospital, the doctor compared my heart to a stressed out 60 year-old's heart. I'm 17 and I don't even have a job yet. FML
Today, I was telling my fiancée about my Hashimoto's symptoms when my MIL to-be said, "You must be drinking too much alcohol. My aunt had a goiter and it only swelled when she drank, usually bourbon or beer." She then walked out of the room, perfectly content with her "diagnosis." FML
Today, after waking up, I went into the kitchen and took a swig of milk from the carton. I overestimated my strength, and the whole thing splashed all over my face. A few moments later, my dad staggered in, looked at me in disgust, and said, "You know what? I don't even wanna know." FML
Today, I took a big sip of water while on a bus. It went down the wrong pipe, causing me to cough and hack loudly. The old woman sitting across from me asked if I was OK. Jokingly, I said, "Just dying." She replied, "You too, huh?" FML
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Top comments
Oktopussy 13
How does your landlord know you rarely drink milk. Is she living with you?
Martine624 23
Honestly I find the fact that your landlord knows how much milk you (don't) drink a little more disturbing than your slightly misplaced joke... FYL OP!
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Comments (43)
Oktopussy 13
How does your landlord know you rarely drink milk. Is she living with you?
corporatescoundr 25
Maybe it's a boarding house?
Oktopussy 13
“In practical life we are compelled to follow what is most probable ; in speculative thought we are compelled to follow truth.” ― Baruch Spinoza
bresha 8
exactly!!
GEFStryker 29
How does your landlord know how often you drink milk?
Oktopussy 13
Great minds yadi yadi yada
Silentshdw13 22
Milk isn't a necessity for living, so don't worry too much about it. My condolences for her husband though and hope she wasn't too offended by your comment since you didn't mean wrong by it.
Lalala579121 28
But if you don't drink your milk you'll be short your entire life.
bapbap_fml 15
I don't drink milk and I'm tall...
Lalala579121 28
(note to self: FML doesn't like Fullmetal Alchemist references)
AgentSkyeBarnes 16
#32 damn, I don't even watch the show and I got the reference....
Martine624 23
Honestly I find the fact that your landlord knows how much milk you (don't) drink a little more disturbing than your slightly misplaced joke... FYL OP!
amileah13 26
It was an honest mistake op. Don't worry about it too much :)
luvlu444 24
how does she know abt your food and drink intake?? long life to her about her husband OP
Cads1 24
Op's name says it all.
Ethan_Anonymous 28
Good for you on not drinking milk, if that's one thing I remember from health class it's my teacher shaming milk every day. Almond milk forever !
leogachi 15
She's probably still mourning the loss of her husband, but I don't think you should feel bad about this. It was an innocent joke.
Tripartita 45
I remember being put off when my landlord insisted on living in my apartment and sleeping in the same bed, but they said it would improve their food-monitoring process. Turns out, my diet is slightly low in potassium. Who knew?!