Today, after finishing work, my friend was having a party next door and my driveway was blocked. I parked six houses down and went to the party for 20 minutes. After coming out after three beers, I went to move my car back to my house and go to sleep. I got a DUI for driving 30 feet. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was drunk and crashed on my friend's couch to sober up. On the drive home, a cop pulled me over for seemingly no reason. He kept asking if I had been drinking, to which I answered no. Finally, he told me to look in the mirror. My friends had written all over my face while I slept. FML
Today, I was the designated driver. On the way home with my drunk friends, they decide to give me a beer shower. I swerved, and was pulled over by a cop moments after. I was the only one arrested. FML
Today, I went to a party to see my crush. He offered me a drink and I declined telling him that I don't drink because alcohol makes people act stupid and crash their cars. He then saw me back into a car parked on the street and shatter my backlights as I reversed from the driveway to go home. FML
Today, I got shitfaced at a club. A cute girl I'd met earlier in the evening offered to drive me home in my car and spend the night with me. She crashed my car and did a runner before the cops showed up. They wouldn't believe my story. I now have a wrecked car and a DUI. FML
Today, while driving home after the legal curfew, I narrowly avoided a police roadblock and backtracked a mile to drive home another way. I then ran out of gas a mile away from my house. FML
Today, I got a ticket for being drunk in public. I was walking a couple of blocks from the bar to my house, because I didn't want to drive drunk. FML
Today, my friend and his girlfriend got in a fight while drunk and he started walking home. While driving around looking for him, I accidentally hit him with my car. FML
Today, I got wasted at a party and went out to my car to get something. I went back to the house and realized I got locked out. After knocking on the door, ringing the doorbell, and shouting "LET ME INNNN" my friend called and asked where I was. That's when I realized I was at the wrong house. FML
Today, my best friend broke up with her partner. In retaliation, he got drunk and stole my car, then crashed it into a neighbour's house. Then after dealing with the police who didn't arrest him, he and my best friend made up and went to bed. FML
Today, I attempted to make a good impression amongst new coworkers by volunteering to be the designated driver at my work party. What did that get me? A backseat full of puke and some idiot too drunk to remember where he lived. FML
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Top comments
plethora 3
You drank 3 beers in 20 minutes and then decided to get behind the wheel? YDI, even for 30 feet.
Chocoholic17 0
Should've left your car there and walked home.
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Comments (124)
kitty67_fml 0
You're a dumbass. You shouldn't have 3 beers in 20 minutes - BAD idea. Then to get in a car after having had any alcohol whatsoever, REGARDLESS of how far you're driving, is an even WORSE idea. The cop was entirely right, and I'm glad someone as stupid as you didn't get the chance to drive any farther than you did. "YDI" can't hardly begin to describe how glad I am that you got caught. And I repeat...you're a dumbass.
ace135 3
haha still under the influenece copsdont care how ******* far u drive your dumb
humorizer 14
More than a mile long? You *are* kidding right? No one with a house that big (assuming they really exist) would be bitching about a $300 ticket; or whatever they are nowadays.
ANNI3_16 0
walk 30 feet.
U_idiot 1
YDI for being an idiot.
watevs 0
just thinking that it was a good idea to get in the car to drive it "30 feet" shows that you had serious lack of judgement YDI
cmac86 24
I don't know, #2. 3 beers in only 20 minutes can make anyone a bit tipsy. even the hardest drinkers. he should have waited and spread the liquor out over a period of time, instead of bombarding his system with that much in one setting. plus, it's a party, what's your rush?
CrazyTheRaver 0
3 beers in twenty minutes????? damn... you should have moved it in the morning... you're going to tell me you didnt see the cop in your neighborhood???? You deserved it.
mattmag 0
YDI for living in a place where 6 houses = 30 feet. So each plot of land is 5 feet wide. My bed wouldn't even fit on one lot.
meltingwalls 0
hahaha, maybe you ripped a hole in the space time continuim or something