Today, a man crashed into my car. He then got out of his car, dug a toothbrush and toothpaste out of his bag, and tried to brush away the damage. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, while brushing my teeth half asleep, I stabbed myself in the eye with my toothbrush, toothpaste included. FML
Today, on my way to the dentist, I got rear ended by my own dentist. FML
Today, a guy's car broke down in my street, so I helped him push it into my driveway, checked his car out, and gave it a jump start. He thanked me, then as he went to pull out, he instead smashed straight into my car. FML
Today, whilst brushing my teeth, I fell asleep, poking myself in the eye with my toothbrush. FML
Today, while parking my car, I accidentally bumped into the car in front of me, making a small, barely noticeable dent. I felt bad, wrote an apology note, and stuck it on his windshield. An hour later, he replied by keying the entire right side of my car. FML
Today, I learned that when I leave skid marks in the toilet my wife uses my toothbrush to remove them. FML
Today, I woke up to find the entire driver's side of my car wrecked. Front door, back door, front and rear bumper smashed to shit. A drunk driver had hit it the previous night and ran. Don't worry though, he stopped and left his insurance information. He keyed it into the undamaged side of my car. FML
Today, my husband and I got into an argument over him not brushing his teeth. It ended with him snapping his toothbrush in half. He's 52. FML
Today, my housemate walked out of the bathroom with my toothbrush in his mouth and asked, "You're not one of those people who cares if someone uses their toothbrush, are you?" FML
Today, I parked my car on the street late at night, when I was distracted by a text message. Some guy then gets in my passenger side. Panicked, thinking I was being robbed, I bolt out of my car bruising my head and dropping my phone onto the pavement. The guy meant to get in the car behind me. FML
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Top comments
mpsteve137 15
Well let's just hope he doesn't forget to floss after
stephissilly 18
get a giant rubber and start erasing him.
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Comments (141)
alyspar2 5
Bitches be crazy.
mpsteve137 15
Well let's just hope he doesn't forget to floss after
Exeggcute 5
The car probably had mourning breath don't blame the man.
markrs 0
What an idiot. Why would he brush his damaged teeth OUTside his car?! What? That's not what the OP meant? ...
BlueHue 0
18: Mourning breath? Like when someone has just been to a funeral? :P
logan1819 4
Well did it work?
Cherryripe25 5
Genius to the highest degree.
ssgvegasboi22 1
Um 23 he was talking about flossing the car...
LolFMLnot 10
Thats something my uncle would do :O
urdirtyolduncle 15
OP: "Yeah, and while we're at it, let's take the car to the dentist, just to be safe!"
Hyperson 0
So he gave it the casual brush off?
inomnomdinosaurs 4
Don't try to be funny this joke is actually kinda sad
Jakesterk96 8
At least he didn't use windex.
ImFrackinBored 13
Was said bag a purse(or a satchel... >_>) or a suitcase?
MrShizzBear 0
I could've sworn it worked!
godisnowhere41 5
Well I suppose a hit and scrub is better than a hit and run.
pinkgal2129 8
That is hilarious. The fml and the joke. I feel bad for op AND the dude though....I dunno for being stupid but still kind.....? AHHH WHATEVER I FEEL LIKE THE DUDES A NICE GUY KAY? Fine just dislike this. >:(
stephissilly 18
get a giant rubber and start erasing him.
CanWeMicrowaveIt 11
Yeah, condoms usually erase my mistakes too..
cBlackout 13
Brits use the word rubber for eraser. And condom. Be I'm pretty sure he meant eraser.
cBlackout 13
But*.
stephissilly 18
she* and yeah i'm aussssie rubber means like ... eraser. most of the time. but in this context i ment the stationary :)
ShroomsOnAcid 17
Well if you ever come study in the US, I suggest you think twice before asking your classmates for a rubber in the middle of a lecture.
thisisafunnyname 12
One rubber deletes mistakes, the other prevents them.
randomthingstv 5
His life started with a broken rubber and ends with a rubber
VorpikeII 17
Maybe you should take out a razor and try shaving his car.
alyspar2 5
Bitches be crazy.
ClassyCommando 13
Anyone else wondering whose car the toothpaste guy was trying to repair? It just says "the damage".
stariee1997 16
Cleanliness next to managerliness. Anyone know that quote? :)
L1v3_L0v3_Lau9h 18
Spongebob
linkinpark98 24
SpongeBob FTW :3
stevenJB 25
THE SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS MOVIE!!
Wicked361 8
Damn I was gonna say that!! Better late tan never though!! SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS THE MOVIE!!
stariee1997 16
:D
Takesown690 3
I'm ready...promotion...I'm ready...promotion...I'm ready... SPONGEBOB MOVIE FTW
allen2688 6
"Sir can I help you there? "
hotPinklipstick 24
Well now isn't this problem solving at it's finest.
construction 7
No you guys have it all wrong... The guy was clearly high out of his mind and figured it would work.
iAmScrubs 19
Just keep brushing, just keep brushing, just keep brushing.
RamenForTheWin 10
Just keep brushing, brushing, brushing, what do we do we BRUUUUUUUUSSHH! :D
naddification 7
Just keep Scrubbing, just keep Scrubbing, just keep Scrubbing!
RamenForTheWin 10
Just keep scrubbing, scrubbing, scrubbing, what do we do we SCRUUUUUUUUB! I love Dory. I have an aunt who acts just like her. We call her Auntie Stacy. (As in Spacey Stacy.) Too bad her name's Carmen.
Ann23 7
At least it wasn't a hit and run!
yahoowizard 16
Hit and brush, way better
alyspar2 5
Bitches be crazy.
RedPillSucks 33
Silly guy. He was suppose to use Orbit(r)
arlo1024 0
Lol