Today, a drunk man walked into my house at 2 p.m. and screamed out, "Honey, I'm home!" He had the wrong house, but it looks like I've finally met my new neighbour. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I drunkenly staggered home and crashed on the couch. When I woke up I realized it wasn't my house. FML
Today, I got wasted at a party and went out to my car to get something. I went back to the house and realized I got locked out. After knocking on the door, ringing the doorbell, and shouting "LET ME INNNN" my friend called and asked where I was. That's when I realized I was at the wrong house. FML
Today, a drunk man started yelling at the lamppost outside my house, demanding to be let inside, all while my neighbors watched. That man is my dad. FML
Today, my husband came home drunk off his ass at 2am. He started crying on my shoulder because he couldn't go home with some beautiful woman who hit on him, because sadly for him, he's married to me. FML
Today, my neighbour called to say a crazy drunk man was breaking into my house. Thankfully, the police were already there, questioning me about “attempted unlawful entry” into my own house. My keys had been taken from a friend so I wouldn’t drive. It's 1°C and I still haven’t gotten inside. FML
Today, after my old downstairs neighbor, who would come upstairs to bang on my door and yell at me every time she heard a sound from me at all times of the day, had finally moved out, it became clear that my new downstairs neighbor gets drunk and yells at the TV in the early hours of the morning. FML
Today, I walked into the kitchen to eat some breakfast. I got a full visual of my drunk neighbor dancing naked in my backyard. FML
Today, I confidently walked into what I thought was my friend's apartment for a party, only to find a confused elderly couple staring at me. Turns out, I was not only three doors down from where I thought his front door was, I was also on the wrong floor. FML
Today, I woke up at 5 am to the voices of my husband, who I gave my blessing to go out last night, and his buddies entering our apartment. They came here because the buddy who had planned to house them had no beer. They are drunk, drinking on our porch, shaving my husband's head. FML
Today, my boyfriend came home drunk. As he got home he asked me to marry him, I was going to say yes until he said, "Oh wait, wrong woman." FML
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Top comments
DocBastard 40
Perhaps you should think about locking your door. And getting an alarm. And a dog. A big dog like a German shepherd, not a little dog like a chihuahua. No one likes those yappy little *****.
MeTheBeast 22
At least he had the decency to call you honey ;)
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Comments (97)
jarrettd 27
It was nice to meet you as well op.
chaosincarnate 8
That would be a great housewarming present. "Oh hey nice to meet you. I don't know what you'd like so I got you your husband. Welcome to the neighborhood!"
n4ture 20
lock your door?
starile 20
No, that would just make way too much sense.
Not_Impressed13 9
Sorry about that... I know which house is mine now!
DuEpikThangs 13
Lol at least they like to drink and have fun, just lock ur door more often.
Warmonger_Smurf 29
Did you give him his house warming gift? Cake would have been great.
spluver0005 17
Isn't that the reason locks were invented?
nikhilmanuel 10
How and why was your door unlocked?
LowExpectations 30
Canadians don't live in constant fear of the unknown, like, oh I don't know, most Americans.
kinsmas 18
We also don't always want to have to go to the door when someone we know is coming, so they can walk right in. Unexpected visitors know to knock or ring a door bell.
queerdragon 20
Canada is a lot safer than some of the areas I have lived in. The "ghetto" in America is pretty bad. I had someone walk into my house, pick up my radio, and try to walk out again.
jess_wileyy 12
that's actually really funny!
every1luvsboners 11
Reminds me of a great day back in 1978. I was having a pretty busy day watering my plants, feeding my ducks, picking the corns off my feet when an elderly gentleman walked in my place unannounced. He was high on heroin and that marijuana stuff. He was wrapped in Saran Wrap with nothing under it. He confided in me about his obsession of fisting goats in search of ambergris. The only thing I could say is "I can see your ******* nuts."
Welshite 40
...and then you two walked off into the sunset in the direction of the nearest farm. You shouldn't end your reminiscing halfway through, Boners.
starile 20
Yeah, seriously, bro, now I'm kinda wondering about them ducks. Don't leave us hanging.