Today, a drunk man walked into my house at 2 p.m. and screamed out, "Honey, I'm home!" He had the wrong house, but it looks like I've finally met my new neighbour. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I drunkenly staggered home and crashed on the couch. When I woke up I realized it wasn't my house. FML
Today, I got wasted at a party and went out to my car to get something. I went back to the house and realized I got locked out. After knocking on the door, ringing the doorbell, and shouting "LET ME INNNN" my friend called and asked where I was. That's when I realized I was at the wrong house. FML
Today, a drunk man started yelling at the lamppost outside my house, demanding to be let inside, all while my neighbors watched. That man is my dad. FML
Today, my husband came home drunk off his ass at 2am. He started crying on my shoulder because he couldn't go home with some beautiful woman who hit on him, because sadly for him, he's married to me. FML
Today, my neighbour called to say a crazy drunk man was breaking into my house. Thankfully, the police were already there, questioning me about “attempted unlawful entry” into my own house. My keys had been taken from a friend so I wouldn’t drive. It's 1°C and I still haven’t gotten inside. FML
Today, after my old downstairs neighbor, who would come upstairs to bang on my door and yell at me every time she heard a sound from me at all times of the day, had finally moved out, it became clear that my new downstairs neighbor gets drunk and yells at the TV in the early hours of the morning. FML
Today, I walked into the kitchen to eat some breakfast. I got a full visual of my drunk neighbor dancing naked in my backyard. FML
Today, I confidently walked into what I thought was my friend's apartment for a party, only to find a confused elderly couple staring at me. Turns out, I was not only three doors down from where I thought his front door was, I was also on the wrong floor. FML
Today, I woke up at 5 am to the voices of my husband, who I gave my blessing to go out last night, and his buddies entering our apartment. They came here because the buddy who had planned to house them had no beer. They are drunk, drinking on our porch, shaving my husband's head. FML
Today, my boyfriend came home drunk. As he got home he asked me to marry him, I was going to say yes until he said, "Oh wait, wrong woman." FML
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Top comments
DocBastard 40
Perhaps you should think about locking your door. And getting an alarm. And a dog. A big dog like a German shepherd, not a little dog like a chihuahua. No one likes those yappy little *****.
MeTheBeast 22
At least he had the decency to call you honey ;)
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Comments (97)
MeTheBeast 22
At least he had the decency to call you honey ;)
TheCaramelKing 11
Calling someone honey doesn't make one forget about a drunk man walking into their house at 2 o'clock.
zBLAKEz 23
He does sound like a real gentlemen. OP should give him a chance!
ChevyRedneck85 13
You leave your house unlocked?
starile 20
Why, yes, #67, that's how all the fun happens! I don't see you gaining any enviable FML fame, what with your door locking ways!
ChevyRedneck85 13
Well I live in the middle of nowhere, so I leave mine unlocked. But I also have an extensive gun collection....
aliyourpally 12
Drinking early?
AnOriginalName 19
Or still drunk from the night previous. OP's neighbour likes to party hard.
taylorafterdark 16
You should have played along ;)
Little4Bear 10
No, that would've been super creepy. Who knows what OP's neighbor does with his "honey".
DocBastard 40
Perhaps you should think about locking your door. And getting an alarm. And a dog. A big dog like a German shepherd, not a little dog like a chihuahua. No one likes those yappy little *****.
CallMeMcFeelii 14
She lives in Canada. No one locks their door in Canada!
TheCaramelKing 11
They're nice, not idiots.
zBLAKEz 23
Trevor in GTA V broke that stereotype.
josh7279 7
Nobody likes the ankle biters.
harmtouch16 11
I have a 7 lb little chi/Maltese mix that I adore, but my husband calls her a "large sewer rat" lol. However, she's great at notifying us of intruders!
jkmartinjk 16
I'm from Canada, and my parents are OBSESSED with locking our door, and we live on a mountain. But I do know people who leave their doors unlocked in more residential areas, because 'If it's locked, they'll break in anyway, at least we won't have broken windows!' Canadian logic.
starile 20
Strangely enough, my door alarm IS a giant German Shepherd with yappy little chihuahuas in its mouth so when it barks it shoots chihuahuas at you! How did you know??
sodapop3 5
comment win
sanecatlady 13
I do.
LynxieLynx 17
10- I live in Canada... And i lock doors... *random meep sound*
tounces7 28
Except pretty much everyone who read this thread probably immediately guessed that the OP was in Canada.
Jelbeztok 17
2pm's a little early to be drunk isnt it?
jw90 18
It's never to early.
Faff 20
every time is partytime!
MoistWipe 8
That's like me at my best friends house
DocBastard 40
Nothing says "I'm cool" more than comparing yourself to a slobbering drunk idiot who doesn't recognise his own house.
Ari1337 15
except making meth. nothing is cooler than making meth.
NoMore_CoolNames 14
Yep, for about 20 years my uncle was the coolest man in Louisville.
challan 19
I hope you had him sign over his paycheck and make you a sandwich before sending him to the right house.
Metal_Avenger 9
If he can't find the right house i wouldn't trust him making me a sandwich
starile 20
Drunk sandwiches are the best sandwiches!
Awahso 25
Well at least he is friendly.
Pauschinator 22
You should have asked if he wanted dinner.
queerdragon 20
I would still suggest locking your doors. While Canada might seem safe, the American in me is saying "more locks, big dogs, get guns, bars on your windows!!!!
kinsmas 18
Most Canadians don't lock their door when they're home because, for the most part, we welcome visitors. Doors get locked at night and when no one is home.
queerdragon 20
If my neighbor walked into my house drunk, then I'd still lock it to be safe. Also, I am so antisocial, I pretend not to be home when my family forces themselves over for a visit.
Jezzikah 11
I live in Canada and my door is locked 24/7, even if I'm home.
TheDrifter 24
That's weird. But I'm from a small town, if someone stumbles in drunk we just have a beer, chat a minute and you point them in the right direction. My inner Canuck says "say hello, introduce yourself and send him on his way"
love_me_electric 20
I'm Canadian, and most people I know do not lock their doors during the day if they're home unless they live in a bad area. In a small town you could probably walk into any house you wanted to at 2pm. Edit: Also, I don't think I've EVER seen a non-commercial building in Canada that has bars on the windows.
starile 20
Canada must be absolutely wonderful for Jehova's witnesses and door-to-door salesmen.
sanecatlady 13
Me too. I think my parents are crazy because they have a security system but never lock their door and when I come visit I have to not lock it out of habit or they flip out. It's not being paranoid, it's being smart!