Today, a dog bit me, tearing a hole through my sweatpants, my shorts, and my underwear, all to get at the dog treat I'd hidden in my pocket. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I got bitten by my aunt's dog. My brother was holding the leash. He said he didn't pull the dog away from me because he didn't want to rip my shirt. Meanwhile, the dog was biting a penny-sized chunk out of my hip. FML
Today, I caught my dog chewing on a tampon applicator. I tried to grab it from him, but he wanted to play "keep away" and ran outside. Like a dumbass, I chased after him in my underwear, earning myself the attention of my neighbors on each side of my driveway. FML
Today, I went for a run, and my own dog attacked me. FML
Today, my sister asked me to let her dog out of the kennel when I got home. I did only to have the little beast bite me. She then ate the entire content of the cat's litter box, which she couldn't keep down. FML
Today, I picked my dog up and nibbled her ear. On the tip of her ear was a large tick, which burst, sending blood into my mouth. FML
Today my boyfriend tried to be sexy and rip off my underwear. Instead, he bit a chunk out of my hip. FML
Today, I was babysitting for a new family. While the father was telling me about bed times and how to reach him, their dog started humping my leg. As I tried to discreetly push the dog away, his paw got caught in the pocket of my huge sweatpants, pulling them down. I was wearing a thong. FML
Today, the family dog was in the garbage and wouldn't stop eating. He is a large dog, and I had to put my arms around him and pull him out of the trash can. Well, he bit me so hard I was bleeding. My whole family is siding with the dog and saying it was my fault for not letting him eat. FML
Today, I was walking my dog when I tripped on the leash, dropping his treat bag. He snatched one, looked at me, and ran full speed in the opposite direction. I had to chase him for three blocks, yelling his name. He thought it was a new game. FML
Today, my dog chewed through his leash, so I had to take him inside to prevent him from running off. I went to bed. I woke up to torn-up blinds, half-ate sandals, and a very, very anxious cat due to my dog running after her and trying to sniff her butt. FML
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Top comments
cutycat136 28
Lesson #1: dogs have a great sense of smell. If you have it, they will find it. Don't hide it on you.
vikingchick 22
Wow not many positive rated comments here. I'm sorry to hear that a dog ripped through your clothes. I hope you're doing alright. :)
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Comments (79)
wtfLoki 24
Shouldn't have kept a dog treat in your pocket
bootsycollins 4
Who carries dog treats in their pocket?
J0K3R13 9
Why carry it if you are not going to share?
purple_lurple123 12
Why didn't you just give it to him? If it happen so fast you couldn't do anything, that's understandable.
nphill82 21
I call BS
stewpididiot 11
uhhh.. feed it a Lil more ???duh...
SPFINATOR1993 10
You just wanted to see if that statement about dogs and peanut butter was true. What did we learn?
KeatonHanson 28
Why did you have a dog treat in your pocket in the first place?
Pat5519 14
You deserved it because you carry a dog treat in your pocket. Too bad the dog didn't do more to you for being a dumbass.
wideasleep 14
Why were you wearing sweat pants and shorts?