Today, a cute girl was telling me about her weird fetishes. I jokingly said, "Remind me never to have sex with you". She replied, "Don't worry, I have standards". FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I had a cute girl over and we cuddled on my bed. Later she texted me that she had decided that she didn't want to ever do that again because it turned her on. FML
Today, my girlfriend came up to me and told me we would never do anything sexual in our relationship. She said I was too adorable to take seriously in bed. FML
Today, my girlfriend admitted she had a nightmare about having sex with me. FML
Today, I told a girl that I liked her. She replied, "Don't." FML
Today, I overheard the guy I like talking to one of his friends about me. His friend asked if he and I were dating, to which he replied, "No way, dude. I have standards." FML
Today, I was hooking up with a girl in my apartment when I told her I didn't have a condom. She started laughing and upon realizing my look of confusion, said "Oh, you actually thought I was going to have sex with you?" FML
Today, my girlfriend wanted to have a conversation about sex. After she finished telling me what she liked, in exact detail, I said, "Well, I really like…" She cut me off and said, "I don't give a fuck what you like." FML
Today, a girl I like was taking her phone out of her pocket and two condoms fell out. Last week I'd tried hooking up with her and she'd said that she only has sex with a man who is her boyfriend. So I said, “Oh, new boyfriend, huh?” She said, “Nah it’s for hookups, gotta be prepared!” I guess she forgot she lied to me. FML
Today, I went on a blind date. The girl seemed perfect for me, until I found out she says "lol" and "rofl" out loud whenever she laughs. She also believes sex screws with people's "spiritual energy", and that's why she'll never have it. FML
Today, I started coming on to my girlfriend, only to get a nasty rejection. I told her I would just go jerk off, to which she replied, "Don't you dare!" FML
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Top comments
DonkeyTeeth2013 22
Well, you asked for it!
ninjahesten 18
apply cold water to that burn..
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Comments (72)
Gokushivum 11
I think it would be considered rude/mean to make fun of fetishes so you were kind of asking for it
OhWhoCares 42
You might've come on there a little too strongly there OP... Next time you should try taking it down a notch... Or three...
garrett_8614 14
I mean she was talking about her kinky sex fetishes....I don't see how you can come on any stronger than that.
olpally 33
️Hahaha I love her! exactly what you get for being a smart ass. Good on her!
yeti37 16
Do tell! I need imagery, I lost my Joy of Sex manual. I'm tired of going manual....
Le_ponderer 14
When a person is telling you something personal, they are pretty vulnerable at that point in time and a glib statement will get you a somewhat defensive retort. Next time you are in that kind of situation, just listen.
collinchildress 12
Bru that's literally an open invitation. Was an open invitation. You'll get em next time OP
siggy_mcsigx 22
Sounds like she was just throwing some banter back at you! Don't dish out what you can't take, OP :p
dennado 14
You definitely asked for it ?
Nathan_Henry 15
Daaaam dude
allyiscute1 22
Burnnn lmao that was funny(x