Today, a classmate's mother called my phone, threatening to have my dorm room raided for drugs. Why? She saw our text messages discussing where he would pick up the textbook I borrowed and thought it was the new "code name" for weed. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I called the campus police "anonymously" while my roommate was away and told them about her weed stash because I was tired of her smoking in our room all the time. She had taken her weed to a friend's and got off scot-free. I have a hearing Monday for the Adderall they found in my desk. FML
Today, my mom found my weed stash and went berserk, grounding me and saying she's going to have my bedroom door removed. Less than an hour later, I found her laughing and smoking the same stash with my dad in the backyard. FML
Today, I came from a 12-hour shift to find my clothes and stuff outside, and the locks changed. I called my mom to let me in and she told me, “Hell the fuck no, I’m not having a drug addicted junkie up in my house! You’re no longer my daughter!” and hung up. Apparently, she found my stash of weed. FML
Today, my mom called me a druggie after she found out I smoked weed once. She's now threatening to sell my car, tell my boss, and ban me from seeing my fiancée. I'm 24. FML
Today, my mother has taken her drug paranoia to a new level. She threw away an open but nearly full bag of dried mint because she's sure I emptied and refilled the bag with marijuana to hide it from her. She then tried to ground me in my own house in front of my wife and daughter. FML
Today, my angry ex-girlfriend ordered a bong to my house in my name. I came home to my parents screaming at me, demanding to know where "the weed" was. FML
Today, my mom called me screaming and cussing because she found pot in my room. I come home and my dad says, "I hid some pot in your room and I'm not letting you go to that concert if you rat me out." My dad is apparently a blackmailing 52-year-old stoner. FML
Today, my mom told me she's a drug addict, sold my bed to buy meth, and then lectured me about how I should be okay with it. FML
Today, my mother went through my bag and found what she thought was rolling papers. I was yelled at and called a stupid pothead with no future. They were facial blotting papers. FML
Today, I found my mother wandering the halls of my fraternity unescorted and asked why she was here, she told me she was concerned when I didn't pick up my phone for two days. She then informed me that she had also moved to the same city I live in. My mother moved over 600 miles to stalk me. FML
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Top comments
kinky44 28
Does that mean "teacher" is slang for drug dealer? It all makes sense now.
JoeGrant 12
From the context of it, it sounds like you're in college; so look on the bright side, the semesters almost over OP!
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Comments (76)
bushada 18
Some parents really are a little too paranoid.
grunt_fml 17
Just tell her you are dealing weapons. In my experience such people are terribly afraid of drugs and sex, but strangely never have a problem with guns.
halomasterT2012 7
Is she retarded?
howdoilogin 9
Hopefully the next generation of parents won't be so psychotic about this kind of stuff.
coklara 15
Milf's these days...
StzaCrack666 18
if i needed a code name it was "green day cds"
GLaDOS8899 14
BURN IT BEFORE IT MULTIPLIES!
morningwood4521 8
It sounds like your dorm-mates mom may be smoking some ganja herself.
JoseIsAdork 31
hmm, better not text about the quality and taste of grandmas mashed potatoes then, could be slang for another illicit drug ×_×
mwali02 32
(1) This is only FYL if you have drugs/something to hid from the police in your dorm. Do you? (2) She threatened to call the police, but nothing says that she did. You'll be fine OP. Just chill. Unless you answered yes to (1). And in that case, good luck with that.
interesting33 37
No it is not only FYL if OP has drugs because searching someone's room will mess it up and cause huge stigma.
interesting33 37
Sorry I think I sounded a bit rude in my previous comment. What I meant was that I agree with your second point, but having the police search your room for drugs sounds like a huge deal as it is probably public - intrusive and messy.