Today, a classmate's mother called my phone, threatening to have my dorm room raided for drugs. Why? She saw our text messages discussing where he would pick up the textbook I borrowed and thought it was the new "code name" for weed. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I called the campus police "anonymously" while my roommate was away and told them about her weed stash because I was tired of her smoking in our room all the time. She had taken her weed to a friend's and got off scot-free. I have a hearing Monday for the Adderall they found in my desk. FML
Today, my mom found my weed stash and went berserk, grounding me and saying she's going to have my bedroom door removed. Less than an hour later, I found her laughing and smoking the same stash with my dad in the backyard. FML
Today, I came from a 12-hour shift to find my clothes and stuff outside, and the locks changed. I called my mom to let me in and she told me, “Hell the fuck no, I’m not having a drug addicted junkie up in my house! You’re no longer my daughter!” and hung up. Apparently, she found my stash of weed. FML
Today, my mom called me a druggie after she found out I smoked weed once. She's now threatening to sell my car, tell my boss, and ban me from seeing my fiancée. I'm 24. FML
Today, my mother has taken her drug paranoia to a new level. She threw away an open but nearly full bag of dried mint because she's sure I emptied and refilled the bag with marijuana to hide it from her. She then tried to ground me in my own house in front of my wife and daughter. FML
Today, my angry ex-girlfriend ordered a bong to my house in my name. I came home to my parents screaming at me, demanding to know where "the weed" was. FML
Today, my mom called me screaming and cussing because she found pot in my room. I come home and my dad says, "I hid some pot in your room and I'm not letting you go to that concert if you rat me out." My dad is apparently a blackmailing 52-year-old stoner. FML
Today, my mom told me she's a drug addict, sold my bed to buy meth, and then lectured me about how I should be okay with it. FML
Today, my mother went through my bag and found what she thought was rolling papers. I was yelled at and called a stupid pothead with no future. They were facial blotting papers. FML
Today, I found my mother wandering the halls of my fraternity unescorted and asked why she was here, she told me she was concerned when I didn't pick up my phone for two days. She then informed me that she had also moved to the same city I live in. My mother moved over 600 miles to stalk me. FML
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Top comments
kinky44 28
Does that mean "teacher" is slang for drug dealer? It all makes sense now.
JoeGrant 12
From the context of it, it sounds like you're in college; so look on the bright side, the semesters almost over OP!
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Comments (76)
azyjazy713 11
One word: paranoid
RedPillSucks 33
Why? Because she got the code word wrong?
littlem91 29
Maybe he's saying "paranoid" IS the code word...
SMHsohard 22
And she just passed the final for Jumping to Conclusions 101.
perdix 31
"Dude, you got my stuff for Botany 420?" I think she's on to you.
worldclassrager 41
I am crying from laughing so hard!
turdoblast 21
if your nickname is a.white because your surname is White, then i don't blame the woman
DavidKnows 11
WHAT??? Arrest everyone named "White"?
turdoblast 21
it was supposed to be a Breaking Bad reference... clearly, i have failed
swick25 22
clearly you have failed
buckdharma 38
I hope for your sake you don't talk like Barry Kripke, otherwise explaining to her that you do weed a lot and that because you do weed a lot, you don't do weed.
guineagirl96 38
That made me lol more than the fml
ZY1431 24
honestly she needs to calm down her kid is an adult and all not 12 so no need to do the whole phone raiding and second jump to such conclusions...really? didn't occur to ask first before calling the school?
evilamoebaattack 20
um, she didn't actually call the school? please read! she threatened to call!
Girlie7 11
Then imagine what she must be thinking of your study sessions....
brandoneyez1 25
Buy some oregano and put it in a bag and leave it by the textbook with a note... Did you really think this was weed?
Miss_Latina 13
Nosey ass mom
steve26113 7
Imagine all the other code words she thinks are real...