Today, my dad asked me to unpack the groceries he'd brought home. When he saw me come across a bottle of lube, then he told me how my mom had hit menopause and, as a result, her vaginal dryness made sex harder for the two of them. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my dad was helping me move my stuff out. I'd asked my boyfriend to deal with my sex toys and lingerie, but still my dad showed up later at my new place, handed me a box full of them all, and simply said, "I don't want to know." FML
Today, my dad walked in on me and my girlfriend having sex. His only reaction was to mutter, "Put some back into it, son." before awkwardly sidling out. FML
Today, I was asked to pick up something from my parents' house, only to be greeted with the horrid surprise that my elderly dad has taken to wearing women's pantyhose and garters. He claims it's for his knees, but that doesn't explain the boner I had to see peeking out of his panties. FML
Today, I had to console my drunk dad over his girlfriend breaking up with him. When he said, "You know why we broke up don't you?" I replied, "Yeah, you were fighting a lot, right?" Wrong. I then had to explain to him that his erectile dysfunction wasn't something to be embarrassed about. FML
Today, I told my dad I was going to Walgreens and asked if he needed anything. He needed condoms, and that I should call him when I get there so he can explain the kind he likes. FML
Today, my father-in-law caught me, a lesbian, buying condoms. He thought I was cheating. I didn’t know how to tell him that his daughter is allergic to our dildo. FML
Today, my dad gave me the dreaded sex talk, but he got sidetracked and started talking about how good my mum was in bed. FML
Today, I was driving my dad, who recently turned 50, to the store and had to listen to him go on and on that he’s having to accept that, as my siblings and I get older and are more independent, he’s having to transition from "sex god to just a dad." I don't know either. FML
Today, my girlfriend broke up with me. Devastated, I told my dad about it, hoping he'd help cheer me up. His advice was, "Just rub one out son, you'll feel better in no time." Thanks dad. FML
Today, my mom came home drunk and crying, so I tried to comfort her and asked what was wrong. She wasted no time admitting that she'd hooked up with her ex-husband, AKA my dad, but that it'd sucked for her because he has a tiny penis. Thanks, I really needed to know that. FML
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Top comments
save_me_08 0
At least it wasn't in a bag w/ a ***** and he ended up telling you how he likes it up the ass... then goes on to explain how stimulation of the prostate increases pleasure... and how you shouldn't be embarrassed about what makes yourself and your partner feel good Silver lining?
ArtsySwag 0
Why would your father disclose that with you? That's so gross. I've come across lube in my mom's groceries and I try overlooking it because I don't want mental images rummaging through my head. Ughhhhhh. I feel sorry for you :(.
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Comments (117)
krankypoptart 0
Your dad should meet the mom, whose son was chasing girls with his "sword of death". Maybe he could explain somethings to the both of them.
alwaysalady 0
Oh. Parental TMI. The phycological damage can never be healed..... my mom does shit like that to me.
Ilovelife07 0
ew, at least your parents are still having sex tho, good for them
icecreamdriveby 5
the cutesy dog I've ever seen!
bonafidehustler 0
#10: Of course it's an FML! I'd be incredibly disgusted if my dad told me that. This is probably one of the funnier FMLs I've seen lately.
Ilovelife07 0
BTW, anyone notice that the advertisements on the side almost always correspond to the FML? How do they do that?
tWitt3rBuG 0
Eeeew! Ignorance is bliss!
dearViena 0
big whoop.
lnm701 0
I've heard way worse from my mother. You got off easy.
whomajigi 0
Sounds like my dad with the TMI. Oh no, your parents still have a sex life! That's a good thing, it means they're still happily married in a healthy relationship. No one wants to know what much graphic detail but suck it up and be happy they're happy. Just try not to think about the semantics too much.
cthulhu1138 1
Unless you seriously thought your parents were no longer having sex, I don't see how this is an FML.