Today, my dad asked me to unpack the groceries he'd brought home. When he saw me come across a bottle of lube, then he told me how my mom had hit menopause and, as a result, her vaginal dryness made sex harder for the two of them. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my dad was helping me move my stuff out. I'd asked my boyfriend to deal with my sex toys and lingerie, but still my dad showed up later at my new place, handed me a box full of them all, and simply said, "I don't want to know." FML
Today, my dad walked in on me and my girlfriend having sex. His only reaction was to mutter, "Put some back into it, son." before awkwardly sidling out. FML
Today, I was asked to pick up something from my parents' house, only to be greeted with the horrid surprise that my elderly dad has taken to wearing women's pantyhose and garters. He claims it's for his knees, but that doesn't explain the boner I had to see peeking out of his panties. FML
Today, I had to console my drunk dad over his girlfriend breaking up with him. When he said, "You know why we broke up don't you?" I replied, "Yeah, you were fighting a lot, right?" Wrong. I then had to explain to him that his erectile dysfunction wasn't something to be embarrassed about. FML
Today, I told my dad I was going to Walgreens and asked if he needed anything. He needed condoms, and that I should call him when I get there so he can explain the kind he likes. FML
Today, my father-in-law caught me, a lesbian, buying condoms. He thought I was cheating. I didn’t know how to tell him that his daughter is allergic to our dildo. FML
Today, my dad gave me the dreaded sex talk, but he got sidetracked and started talking about how good my mum was in bed. FML
Today, I was driving my dad, who recently turned 50, to the store and had to listen to him go on and on that he’s having to accept that, as my siblings and I get older and are more independent, he’s having to transition from "sex god to just a dad." I don't know either. FML
Today, my girlfriend broke up with me. Devastated, I told my dad about it, hoping he'd help cheer me up. His advice was, "Just rub one out son, you'll feel better in no time." Thanks dad. FML
Today, my mom came home drunk and crying, so I tried to comfort her and asked what was wrong. She wasted no time admitting that she'd hooked up with her ex-husband, AKA my dad, but that it'd sucked for her because he has a tiny penis. Thanks, I really needed to know that. FML
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Top comments
save_me_08 0
At least it wasn't in a bag w/ a ***** and he ended up telling you how he likes it up the ass... then goes on to explain how stimulation of the prostate increases pleasure... and how you shouldn't be embarrassed about what makes yourself and your partner feel good Silver lining?
ArtsySwag 0
Why would your father disclose that with you? That's so gross. I've come across lube in my mom's groceries and I try overlooking it because I don't want mental images rummaging through my head. Ughhhhhh. I feel sorry for you :(.
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Comments (117)
TJStarzZ 8
I agree with #10..this isn't an FML, it's a thing called TMI, a whole different topic.
neurorot 0
awww. tmi on your dad's part but that's gotta suck for your parents. ):
suckingatlife 9
yeah agreed tmi ewww im so sorry
purple5 0
#9 is just stupid, "YDI for having a mom." - wait...WHAT? If the OP didn't have a mom, they wouldn't be here (obviously)...because, y'know...that is kind of how pregnancy works. The mom gives birth. Y'know? Everyone has a mom. Unless you're trying to say it would be better for the OP if their mom was either a) seperated from their dad and living somewhere else or b) dead. Either way. You're stupid.
idreamofpeace 0
Oh... wow... He really had no need in telling you that.
purple5 0
Haha, people saying TMI... got me thinking. A site full of peoples TMI situations would be pretty hilarious :L
suckingatlife 9
that's not a bad idea i like it
watermind 0
This is not an FML. And you should stop being a baby.
verstecktergeist 11
This is stupid. Menopause is a natural part of life, and yes as we grow older our bodies change, most of the times not for the better. So what are you really freaked out about here? That your parents use lube because they're still an affectionate couple? Which you should be very happy about since the divorce rate is so high.. Or that one day you might be in the same situation? HMmm?
forthelulz_fml 0
Whoever said that this is not an FML is an idiot. No one ever wants to imagine their parents having sex. On an unrelated note, your mom sure didn't need the lube when I was last over....