Today, my dad asked me to unpack the groceries he'd brought home. When he saw me come across a bottle of lube, then he told me how my mom had hit menopause and, as a result, her vaginal dryness made sex harder for the two of them. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my dad was helping me move my stuff out. I'd asked my boyfriend to deal with my sex toys and lingerie, but still my dad showed up later at my new place, handed me a box full of them all, and simply said, "I don't want to know." FML
Today, my dad walked in on me and my girlfriend having sex. His only reaction was to mutter, "Put some back into it, son." before awkwardly sidling out. FML
Today, I was asked to pick up something from my parents' house, only to be greeted with the horrid surprise that my elderly dad has taken to wearing women's pantyhose and garters. He claims it's for his knees, but that doesn't explain the boner I had to see peeking out of his panties. FML
Today, I had to console my drunk dad over his girlfriend breaking up with him. When he said, "You know why we broke up don't you?" I replied, "Yeah, you were fighting a lot, right?" Wrong. I then had to explain to him that his erectile dysfunction wasn't something to be embarrassed about. FML
Today, I told my dad I was going to Walgreens and asked if he needed anything. He needed condoms, and that I should call him when I get there so he can explain the kind he likes. FML
Today, my father-in-law caught me, a lesbian, buying condoms. He thought I was cheating. I didn’t know how to tell him that his daughter is allergic to our dildo. FML
Today, my dad gave me the dreaded sex talk, but he got sidetracked and started talking about how good my mum was in bed. FML
Today, I was driving my dad, who recently turned 50, to the store and had to listen to him go on and on that he’s having to accept that, as my siblings and I get older and are more independent, he’s having to transition from "sex god to just a dad." I don't know either. FML
Today, my girlfriend broke up with me. Devastated, I told my dad about it, hoping he'd help cheer me up. His advice was, "Just rub one out son, you'll feel better in no time." Thanks dad. FML
Today, my mom came home drunk and crying, so I tried to comfort her and asked what was wrong. She wasted no time admitting that she'd hooked up with her ex-husband, AKA my dad, but that it'd sucked for her because he has a tiny penis. Thanks, I really needed to know that. FML
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Top comments
save_me_08 0
At least it wasn't in a bag w/ a ***** and he ended up telling you how he likes it up the ass... then goes on to explain how stimulation of the prostate increases pleasure... and how you shouldn't be embarrassed about what makes yourself and your partner feel good Silver lining?
ArtsySwag 0
Why would your father disclose that with you? That's so gross. I've come across lube in my mom's groceries and I try overlooking it because I don't want mental images rummaging through my head. Ughhhhhh. I feel sorry for you :(.
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Comments (117)
poobear 0
gross ive found that stuff in my moms medicine cabinet (thank god no one felt the need to tell me about it) but it was still way more than i needed to know
Vagrarian 2
Gotta give Dad points for honestly and directness...but still, ewwww. It's always icky to think of your parents actually having sex....even though you know they've done it at least once. One of those weird goofy things.
genius_man16 1
#14 why? Oh noes, your parents have sex!! WHAT IS THE WORLD COMING TO!?!? OMGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG
jeanniner 0
hahahaa. what??? i would have cut him off before he could explain...
Some___Guy 0
Adults have sex? Since when?
pearls 0
#10 how do you not get it? it's so awkward to tell that to your daughter/son, unless they asked. there's some things you just shouldn't tell your children.
NuclearWinter 0
#5, I love you.
genius_man16 1
#36 As you said: Awkward: yes FML? No
sunshiiiineXD 0
How awkward. If my dad even tried to explain why he had the lube to me, I would just walk away. I don't need to have a conversation which would most likely scar me for life. This is definitely a FML.
lisajean 0
Oh, gosh. My mom insisted on telling me the kind of ***** she was going to buy when my stepdad left her. "Well, I'll just get a big *****! At least he won't leave me!" FML Parents don't know when to stop.