Today, after winning a major photography competition with the prize of an expensive workshop with a top photographer, I learned that my crazy stalker has paid the £250 workshop costs, and will travel 5 hours just to be there with me. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I received a message from a weird guy that's been stalking me online. Apparently, he travelled 4 hours last weekend to go to the same event as me, just to stare at me. He knew a LOT of details. He never spoke to me because that would "have been weird". I don't know what he looks like, so didn't recognise him. FML
Today, while backpacking in Switzerland I had my camera stolen. Not only does this have photos of my entire trip but the pictures I took for my best friend's wedding. I was the only photographer of her elopement. FML
Today, I was taking a group shot with my friends when I asked a stranger to take the picture for us. He backed up and told us to squish closer together, and when he was at least 20 feet away, he turned and ran off with my camera. FML
Today, I tried to arrange my first gallery exhibition as a photography student. Not even my mother wants to come. FML
Today, I spent hundreds of pounds buying my best friend concert tickets to see our favourite band, complete with a meet and greet. I drove over very excited to pick her up to take her. She had already left. With her boyfriend. FML
Today, my boyfriend proposed! I wanted to get a jump on things so I started looking at photographers, and he mentioned he already knew a good one. I went to check out the photographer’s Instagram and found a picture of my boyfriend… and his wife. FML
Today, I went to pick up some pictures I took on a family trip, but the person at the counter said someone else had already picked them up. Now not only am I out $20, some random creep has pictures of me and my whole family. FML
Today, I had a photoshoot planned weeks ago, getting one of the last coveted spots. My boyfriend couldn’t even show up on time. It was a sunrise shoot. We arrived once the sun had been up for 25 mins already. He wondered "what the big deal is?” FML
Today, I had to pay my manager $10 just to take my stalker's order so I didn't have to. FML
Today, I found out that my crazy stalker got a crazy stalker too. And she's also stalking me. So basically, I'm in some sort of a stalking triangle. FML
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Top comments
Keevarou 17
That is dedication! Some people stalk, but that's extreme, time to send her to a psychologist. Or if she does not want that, try visit group therapy where she joins and leave here there all alone, perfect plan! But congratulations at winning something you wanted, enjoy as much as possible
staymintyfresh 13
I would still go, I mean unless they seem very dangerous, then just call the police
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Comments (147)
rubberduckie94 13
Everyone on fml seems to have a stalker.
reddudeover 2
Now you do too. *stares through window
KiRaKaT 9
I'm stalker free
perdix 31
Either that or they are one. ;)
j_cat187 20
Billy here with new Stalk-Away. (mustard gas in an aerosol)
perdix 31
Baustigt, I respectfully disagree. Most of my stalkers appreciate the view and I go out of my way to accommodate them. I'm a full-service object of lust and desire. Tonight's agenda. 6:45 Windex my windows. 7:00 Naked Zumba. Arrive early to get a good branch on the tree outside my window ;). I'll save a special bachata for you :D
THE_A_TEEN 28
Quit rapping to him, Baustigt. I can hear you all the way to the Bastard house.
THE_A_TEEN 28
*fapping
perdix 31
Don't worry, Noor, I've got a nice salsa in there for you ;)
Zomg_Okay 27
*Puts down binoculars* Noor, Baustigt, stop fooling around. Perdix is up to something again.
perdix 31
What do you mean "again?" I've never stopped!
br0ccoli 15
58- hilarious. Stalkees should take note. Perdix, good for you for being a 'full-service object of lust and desire' and being proud of it. I'm so impressed by your accommodating attitude that I'm gonna jump on the Perdix stalking bandwagon. Shotgun on the branch nearest to the window. That prime real estate is mine, *******. XD
br0ccoli 15
Baustigt, I'm still in stalker training school. Get off my nuts. :p
SqueakyChipmunk 22
I'm too forever alone to have a stalker. Time to BE a stalker! *evil laughter*
XHerobrineX 4
You guys are n00bs. I have a predator UAV drone in my garage with a thermal camera. It's so sensitive that I can see perdix fapping to noor who is eating what looks to be a pair of glowing dots.... Ohwaitaminute......
br0ccoli 15
*in Italian accent* Oh no! Mario! My meat-a-balls! And-a she eat-a it with the wrong gravy!
Eiregal2 10
am I worthy of fml stalker? or am forever doomed to be random rambling Irish girl over there?
iheartstewie7 5
Perdix! Oh, how I wish I could like your comment 20x... it just makes me wanna ???? ¡Olay! ;)
perdix 31
#127, thanks! You could make 20 different FML accounts and thumb up my comment from each of them. Dedication like that would put you on the top shelf of my stalkers :)
downtime 13
Having a stalker is a horrible experience, as an ex-victim of a stalker I am disgusted at the way everyone is joking around about this. This is not a topic that should always be taken seriously... Yeah I can't keep that up, every topic is open to humour...ecxept poor grammarz;
DocBastard 40
It's times like this when I wish I owned: 1) The Holy Banhammer of Jericho so I could slaughter the **** out of this entire thread and ban all of you for all this drivel and 2) a Bugatti Veyron, just because it's a ******* badass Bugatti Veyron.
Fiona Ashe 9
I have a stalker. Lol
underguarded 20
Call the photography place and explain. Call the cops and explain. Fix the problem
deviable 9
So call the police?
tj4234 36
I suppose it is possible that this is a coincidence. Perhaps your stalker is really into photography as well? I mean, exactly how many other courses are there in your area? If there are only a handful then it could just be a coincidence. I once got accused of stalking a girl from my school who works at the local castle and goes to the same university as me. There are only 2 universities in my area and I'm doing a History degree (which only one of the universities does a degree in).
Zomg_Okay 27
Chances are that if the stalker is into photography, it's a direct result of OP's interest in it.
reddudeover 2
Your stalker isn't allowed to have hobbies? Get over yourself. This comment brought to you by Sar's chasm
Teabubbles 8
Oh your hilarious and a douchebag at the same time? Multi-tasking. This conment was brought to you by Truth's Hurt.
THE_A_TEEN 28
*you're Brought to you by the Association of Grammar Nazis.
reddudeover 2
Douche bags can't be funny? Some of the funniest people throughout history were douches I carry on a proud legacy.
I_Punch_Babies 7
aw how sweet
karkid619 8
Coming from the guy who punches babies.
MineIsBigger 5
and a guy who is supposedly into "kars" yet not old enough to drive and has the wrong area code at the end of his name is SO much more original...
SitOnMyLapNiece 1
He DID say that he is tiny though
syki 22
Tell him to take a picture; it'll last longer. In all seriousness, though, OP, get a non-molestation order.
syki 22
Oops, 'her.' Or, technically speaking, him/her. Them. It?
ninjuh_wingman 29
Arent stalkers just the best?
SqueakyChipmunk 22
Stalker song time! I hide behind a tree So you won't notice me You're so cute when you're sleeping (pictures on my TV screen) I love you most of all You don't know me at all Your cell phone number is on my wall... But I hang up when I call. It's very plain to see That we were meant to be But you just have figured it out yet. THE END.
reddudeover 2
I think the actual stalker song is Climbing' in your windows Snatching your people up tryin' To rape 'em so you better hide Your kids hid your wife and hide your husbands too cause they rapin' everybody hour hur
PeteyPablo12308 20
Brilliant^^ also slightly creepy.
SqueakyChipmunk 22
Mwahaha.
3040evan 2
That's just scary. What did u do to make her so crazy
reddudeover 2
Haven't you heard? Apperantly, bitches be crazy.
MrSassypants 34
He did nothing. OP is actually Zeddie Little.
heyycurl 4
Not bad. Not bad. At least you have got yourself an admirer. Be fortunate, I think.