Today, I hit a new low in my diet. There was a danish sitting on the table in the break room at work, and I wanted it. At the end of day, one of the guys threw it into the dumpster. Guess who just ate a dumpster danish. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, a coworker threw my lunch in the trash. They'd just got back from holidays, and I use the same containers they do. My leftovers "looked like something they'd eat", so they thought it was something they'd forgotten before going on holidays. It was leftovers that I'd been spacing out, trying to make last till payday. FML
Today, I hit a new low when I caught myself eating the chocolates that were meant to be part of my boyfriend's Christmas presents. FML
Today, I realized the person I had been habitually stealing bag lunches from at work made me a canned dog food sandwich. FML
Today, I decided I would eat healthy in order to lose weight. Feeling powerful, I threw away all of the icecream in my freezer. An hour later, I picked the icecream carton out of the garbage and ate the entire half-melted carton. FML
Today, I went to work. All day, all I wanted to eat was my favorite cheese, which was waiting for me at home. I came home and someone had eaten it, then put the empty wrapper back in the fridge. FML
Today, after a week of working 18-hour days, I finally sat down to eat more than a sandwich. Unfortunately my kitchen has become a mess and I bypassed the clean bowl I'd put on the counter and ate my ice cream out of the cat's dirty food bowl. FML
Today, I brought leftovers to work in a Tupperware container for my lunch. When I opened the container in the break room, it smelled so bad everyone stopped talking. Someone asked if something was spoiled. It wasn’t. It was just my lunch. I ate it anyway, alone. FML
Today, I opened my lunch at work to discover that my sandwich was a soggy mess. The Tupperware I'd put it in was a piece of crap, and all the mayo had leaked out. I tried to salvage it but then spilled the whole thing in my lap. I ended up eating my lunch with a plastic fork, and even my fingers, like an angry animal. FML
Today, feeling too lazy to cook dinner, I bought a bagged salad from a low-end store. I dumped the contents into a bowl; the first thing that fell out was a dead mouse. Bon appetit. FML
Today, to keep me from "getting fatter", my roommate raided the kitchen. She ate everything from cookies and ice cream to deli meat. The only thing left in the house are vegetables. FML
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Top comments
GhostFox 34
That... is not healthy. Time to talk to your doctor, because that sounds less like "wanted" and more like a compulsion.
lovely234_fml 16
Just... Buy a Danish like a grown up? What the heck is this? How does your diet have anything to do with this decision? Who are you to dumpster dive instead of buying a Danish? I'm so lost...
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Comments (25)
GhostFox 34
That... is not healthy. Time to talk to your doctor, because that sounds less like "wanted" and more like a compulsion.
Ervinator35 25
Yeah, I also like a dumpster danish every now and again...
Glowworm56 27
That's just not right. You took it long after the 5 second rule took effect!
RichardPencil 32
The rats just nibbled it a bit, but because you ate it, they stayed on their diets. They'll thank you for "taking one for the team" when they reach their goal weights.
clair_brodie 35
Dieting makes people miserable. Eat what you want just in moderation and screw diets.
adjwejaelwkdc 21
Yup. When people fall off deprivation diets, they tend to fall hard, and it's extremely hard to resume such a diet. On the other hand, moderation is a whole lot easier to maintain than deprivation is. Use a calorie counter, and keep track of what percentage of your calories are coming from fat, carbs, and protein. You can work out a more sensible routine that won't send you dumpster diving.
adjwejaelwkdc 21
Yup. When people fall off deprivation diets, they tend to fall hard, and it's extremely hard to resume such a diet. On the other hand, moderation is a whole lot easier to maintain than deprivation is. Use a calorie counter, and keep track of what percentage of your calories are coming from fat, carbs, and protein. You can work out a more sensible routine that won't send you dumpster diving.
adjwejaelwkdc 21
No idea why that posted twice. When I hit Publish, FML gave a "Gateway timeout" error. When I refreshed, there were two copies of the comment.
lovely234_fml 16
Just... Buy a Danish like a grown up? What the heck is this? How does your diet have anything to do with this decision? Who are you to dumpster dive instead of buying a Danish? I'm so lost...
Viewerv 2
Apparently, there are anti establishment, artsy hippies who's objection to the man extends to living in squats and dumpster diving. Apparently, they even have dumpster diving parties. I guess it's extreme dedication to non-commercialism. I couldn't do it personally.
Druu 53
Dumpster diving is typically not considered a valid form of exercise. This is doubly true when you're dumpster diving for food.
Lalala579121 28
This new low I suppose being the bottom of a dumpster?
Lobby_Bee 18
If the diet is too much, just dial it down a couple notches. Going full diet is not something most people can handle, take it slow and work into it.
jessicasoho 13
Moderation is key in a diet. Desperation isn't.