Today, I hit a new low in my diet. There was a danish sitting on the table in the break room at work, and I wanted it. At the end of day, one of the guys threw it into the dumpster. Guess who just ate a dumpster danish. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, a coworker threw my lunch in the trash. They'd just got back from holidays, and I use the same containers they do. My leftovers "looked like something they'd eat", so they thought it was something they'd forgotten before going on holidays. It was leftovers that I'd been spacing out, trying to make last till payday. FML
Today, I hit a new low when I caught myself eating the chocolates that were meant to be part of my boyfriend's Christmas presents. FML
Today, I realized the person I had been habitually stealing bag lunches from at work made me a canned dog food sandwich. FML
Today, I decided I would eat healthy in order to lose weight. Feeling powerful, I threw away all of the icecream in my freezer. An hour later, I picked the icecream carton out of the garbage and ate the entire half-melted carton. FML
Today, I went to work. All day, all I wanted to eat was my favorite cheese, which was waiting for me at home. I came home and someone had eaten it, then put the empty wrapper back in the fridge. FML
Today, after a week of working 18-hour days, I finally sat down to eat more than a sandwich. Unfortunately my kitchen has become a mess and I bypassed the clean bowl I'd put on the counter and ate my ice cream out of the cat's dirty food bowl. FML
Today, I brought leftovers to work in a Tupperware container for my lunch. When I opened the container in the break room, it smelled so bad everyone stopped talking. Someone asked if something was spoiled. It wasn’t. It was just my lunch. I ate it anyway, alone. FML
Today, I opened my lunch at work to discover that my sandwich was a soggy mess. The Tupperware I'd put it in was a piece of crap, and all the mayo had leaked out. I tried to salvage it but then spilled the whole thing in my lap. I ended up eating my lunch with a plastic fork, and even my fingers, like an angry animal. FML
Today, feeling too lazy to cook dinner, I bought a bagged salad from a low-end store. I dumped the contents into a bowl; the first thing that fell out was a dead mouse. Bon appetit. FML
Today, to keep me from "getting fatter", my roommate raided the kitchen. She ate everything from cookies and ice cream to deli meat. The only thing left in the house are vegetables. FML
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Top comments
GhostFox 34
That... is not healthy. Time to talk to your doctor, because that sounds less like "wanted" and more like a compulsion.
lovely234_fml 16
Just... Buy a Danish like a grown up? What the heck is this? How does your diet have anything to do with this decision? Who are you to dumpster dive instead of buying a Danish? I'm so lost...
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Comments (25)
ProperPengTing 15
L
Moerighan 23
How are you even on a diet when you obviously have no self control. I'd rather not diet at all than doing something disgusting like that.
adventureinthesea 14
... why didn't you just eat it when it was on the table?
Winchesterbride 9
why don't you do a cheat day once a week? it will help at the beginning of a diet
KeatonHanson 28
Dude why!?
DanielleinDC 34
Maybe instead of depriving yourself, which leads to ridiculous binges later, you should consider the 80/20 rule where 80 percent of what you eat is healthy--fruits, vegetables, whole grains, beans, nuts--and 20 percent is little treats. You may have to cut calories elsewhere or increase your exercise that week, but if you want a danish, have a freaking danish. Just don't go overboard and have five. And don't dumpster dive for a danish.
InsanityShard 23
I wonder how many people realise suddenly going off something like sugar wreaks absolute havoc on your body... Which can lead to some pretty bizzare things too. My care worker tried cutting out sugar. She ended up buying rootbeer and nearly fainted before she did so after around 2 weeks without it. Go slowly or get a professional. Even a lot of people rescued in ww2 who were fed nothing but crap for months or years died after being given chocolate because of how much of a shock it was...
Vessecora 10
Just eat the Danish in the first place. Be kinder to yourself. It'll be healthier in the long run, clearly.
human64 8
WELCOME TO THE REAL WORLD, FATASS!!!
ErinShannon 27
What I don't understand is why you just didn't take ot before it was thrown out? Or why you didn't go buy one?