Today, I started to tell my step-dad about a funny video I came across online last night. He cut me off by saying, "Yeah? Well I came across your mom's face last night!" then left for work with a shit-eating grin on his face. I could've gone the rest of my life without knowing that. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my dad came round to the house. Looking rather pleased with himself he pulled out his phone, grinned, and chucked it over to me. I glanced at the screen to see a naked woman. He smiled and said "I tapped that last night". FML
Today, I came home to find my dad in my room, watching porn on my computer. When I asked him what he was doing, he closed the computer, stood up, stared at me awkwardly and then said, "You should really avoid those sites" and left my room. FML
Today, my mom kicked my dad out of the house and told him not to come home again. Why? I started watching some porn on my computer, forgetting I was still connected to the bluetooth speakers in the living room. My mom thought it was my dad, and I didn't have the balls to admit the truth. FML
Today, I found some porn videos in my parents room. I put them in and began to toss off, but as the camera moved up I realized it was my mom and my step-dad. FML
Today, I witnessed my dad wake himself from a nap with his own fart and start panicking in confusion. I guess I shouldn't have broken down laughing, because he demanded to know what I did to him. He didn't believe the truth and bitched me out for screwing around. FML
Today, I started watching porn in my room with the volume muted. A minute later, my dad knocked on the door, so I closed everything and called him in. He just said, "Son, you disgust me." and walked out. Now I'm too paranoid to use my own computer. FML
Today, I was recording a video on Snapchat to send to one of my friends, while unaware that my father had walked in behind me. I was talking about how I can’t watch porn anymore because my phone is broken. He now knows too much. FML
Today, I video-chatted with my mom and showed her my new, very short haircut. My dad walked in, took one look at me and said, "I can only attribute this to penis envy," and walked out again. FML
Today, I Googled my father, who I haven't seen in 3 years. The first website link was his obituary. When I confronted my mom about it, she said, "Oh, didn't I tell you?" and walked off. FML
Today, my dad interrupted my job interview with a phone call, just to say, "I fucked your mom." No shit, dad. FML
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Top comments
loko0909 13
That's a lovely mental picture to have there.
djdeadly 14
Punch him. Then say he didn't see that coming
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Comments (77)
corky1992 33
Since it wasn't my dad who said this about my mom I find this hilarious lol I'm sorry.
worldclassrager 41
Worst comeback ever...true or false...
AScooterman 12
Add that one up in the big book of most pathetic parental comments. How can you tell that the parent is a loser: Playing one upmanship against your child. Talking about sex between the parents to the child. Clearly not listening
LadyGreenShoes 8
Agreed. Not only is it inappropriate on numerous levels to discuss your private affairs with others, much less your child, he wasn't showing any form of courtesy or respect for the child he is supposed to be molding into a decent human being. Lead by example is not the case here.
weezypanda420 22
Please don't let him reproduce..
anarchymaniac 22
Lmao I think you deserved it
hugtrees13 16
Your moms a hoe lol
Soverain 15
You know who came up with the phrase "shit eating grin" I can't imagine it to be a very pleasant experience.
idk_rose 25
step-dad : 1 you : 0
more4me 27
What a dick! why would he think it was OK to say a thing like that! Ugh!!
ad1836 19
Damn yall gotta unique relationship if he told you that