Today, I had my first day being my mum’s carer. She did the biggest shit I’ve ever seen, and when the toilet wouldn’t flush it, I had put a gloved hand down the loo and break it up with my fingers. Start things how you mean to go on, I guess. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I admit I’m a bit of a big lad, but I never knew how big until I was desperate for a shit so I sat on, and broke, a toilet, flooding the bathroom, at my girlfriend's parents house, the very first time I met them. FML
Today, I had no choice but to unclog a toilet with my bare hands. FML
Today, I started my first day at work. When I used the bathroom, I thought I was peeing into the bowl but it was actually leaking out. My pants kindly cleaned up the mess. FML
Today, I went with my boyfriend to meet his parents. I had to excuse myself to use the bathroom, and I ended up taking a huge crap that wouldn't flush. I had to reach in and break it up with my hands just so it would flush. Only after I washed up did I notice a plunger sitting under the sink. FML
Today, I had to flush someone else's shit in the public washroom at work. It was so vile, I didn't want to get anywhere near it, so flushed it with my foot, only for it to slip off the handle and into the toilet. FML
Today, after leaving for a two-week-trip, and thinking this time my mom would finally have no choice but to clean the dirty toilet herself for once, because I’ve been doing it the entire year, along with most other chores, I think you can guess what I did first thing upon my return. FML
Today, I had my first poop at home after having my baby, and it was a total mess. I still have no strength in my legs so while trying to clean myself I fell and couldn’t get up. The only one in the house was my father-in-law, so he had to pick me up naked with poop down my legs. FML
Today, I was at a party. A friend and I went to the bathroom together. She finished, I started to go, realising I need to shit. She was still in the room. People began to knock. My brain told me to snap the shit in half… with my hand. I grabbed the toilet paper with said hand, leaving the bathroom covered in shit. FML
Today, I was taking the biggest shit of my life. When I worked the thing out, it hit the water with such force that I got a toilet water enema from the backwash. I was so freaked out that I screamed and fell off the seat, prompting my husband to rush in to see what was wrong. FML
Today, I spent the first two hours of my shift cleaning up liquid poo after an elderly lady sat in one of our chairs and promptly let go of her bowels. I was so embarrassed for her that I even bought her a towel, underwear, and a pair of pants. She then thanked one of my coworkers for all the help. FML
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Top comments
RichardPencil 32
Two words that any FML scholar worth a shit would be able to utter to fix your problem: Poop knife.
Corey Blair Janvier 3
This is something I fear as I get older, I hope if I live into my elderly days I can afford proper care, I would not want my child to have to look after me, but at the same time bless your heart for being there for your mom, hope it get better ♥
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Comments (6)
Corey Blair Janvier 3
This is something I fear as I get older, I hope if I live into my elderly days I can afford proper care, I would not want my child to have to look after me, but at the same time bless your heart for being there for your mom, hope it get better ♥
EBrogen 12
Proper planning helps.
RichardPencil 32
Two words that any FML scholar worth a shit would be able to utter to fix your problem: Poop knife.
BatCatTaco 13
My first thought!!
nyoot 9
Yeah, if I'm ever to a point where I need someone to clean my own poo for me, just end me. My best years are behind me anyway. I don't want to die of course, but my wish to never suffer that indignity is greater.