Today, I was at a party. A friend and I went to the bathroom together. She finished, I started to go, realising I need to shit. She was still in the room. People began to knock. My brain told me to snap the shit in half… with my hand. I grabbed the toilet paper with said hand, leaving the bathroom covered in shit. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I went to a dinner party. I had a bad stomach, so I made a dash to the bathroom and forgot to lock the door. While I was in, I heard some voices outside. In a panic, my reflex was to get up and lock the door. I did so, while simultaneously shitting all over myself. FML
Today, I woke up in the middle of the night feeling sick. I went to the bathroom and knelt in front of the toilet, waiting to throw up. When I finally did, I violently shit my pants at the same time. I was at my friend's house. FML
Today, I went to the bathroom at a friend’s house, used the toilet paper, and realized there was none left on the roll. I grabbed a replacement pack but it was all the way on the top shelf that was too high for me. I stood on tiptoes, balancing precariously on the toilet lid when it suddenly flipped down, knocking me off, and splashing pisswater everywhere. FML
Today, in desperate need of a shit, I quickly ran into a shop to buy toilet paper. I rushed home and unleashed, only to realise I'd bought paper towels. Without options, I had to wipe my ass with them and consequently blocked the toilet. I found rolls of toilet paper while looking for the plunger. FML
Today, after a shopping trip, I had the worst diarrhea attack and almost shat my pants before I could even get in the front door. By the time I could get the door open, it was taking all of my self-control to keep from shitting myself. I had to shit on the toilet with the front door and bathroom door wide open. FML
Today, I had diarrhea in a public bathroom. When I was finished, I noticed that someone had pissed all over the toilet paper. FML
Today, I was taking a dump at a public restroom. As I reached over to grab the toilet paper, I realized someone had peed on it. FML
Today, I was in a public washroom and I had to take a dump. I knew how dirty the toilets were, so tried to do the "stand and poo." Unfortunately, I slipped and the poo fell on the ground. Then I realized there were no paper towels. There was a line outside waiting. FML
Today, I went to the toilet to do a number 2. As I went to wipe, the toilet paper slipped out of my hand and I before my brain could register, I wiped my ass with my bare hand.. I also had curry the night before, so yeah. FML
Today, after a huge row with my best friend at school, I hid myself away in the bathroom and quietly sobbed to myself. A kid loudly busted into the stall next to me and took a minute-long shit that sounded like a hailstorm of bullets. The putrid stench made me retch and violently throw up everywhere. FML
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Top comments
John Bigley 8
have no idea wtf you are trying to say
Marcella1016 32
Guys it’s pretty clear to me. I really don’t see what’s so confusing lol. He tried to break a piece of shit off/out of his ass with his bare hand. Instead of flexing his anus to pinch it off. He used his hand. I guess because people were banging on the door to get into the bathroom and he was drunk and/or high as **** and panicked and that somehow seemed like the best thing to do. He used that same shitty hand to grab the toilet paper. So shit got all over the roll and then...somehow...all over the bathroom. Super ultra dick move idgaf how drunk you are. You ****** up that bathroom for everyone else at the party, and for the hosts. You were that ******* guy. I’ve seen shit like that in public restrooms and it’s disgusting. I really hope you learned your lesson and that you learn some self control. Other drunk people needed to pee—and that suuuucks because there’s nothing worse than having to hold it when you’re drunk—and you turned the bathroom into a biohazard. Probably the only bathroom and maybe even the only TP if this was like the college parties I used to go to back in the day. Nice move lol Definitely an FML, but moreso for the rest of the party. I don’t see anything wrong with it being posted, you weirdos lol. And FWIW I also ******* LOVED the WTF FMLs back in the day and looked forward to them every month. Bring them back, Alan, pretty please? :)
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Comments (4)
John Bigley 8
have no idea wtf you are trying to say
Bogrbon 27
I know what he was saying - it's just a really roundabout way of saying that he really needs to work on reducing his alcohol consumption.
spinspinsugar 12
I know right? I'm drunk and high as shit rn and i have no idea what op's trying to say lol
Marcella1016 32
Guys it’s pretty clear to me. I really don’t see what’s so confusing lol. He tried to break a piece of shit off/out of his ass with his bare hand. Instead of flexing his anus to pinch it off. He used his hand. I guess because people were banging on the door to get into the bathroom and he was drunk and/or high as **** and panicked and that somehow seemed like the best thing to do. He used that same shitty hand to grab the toilet paper. So shit got all over the roll and then...somehow...all over the bathroom. Super ultra dick move idgaf how drunk you are. You ****** up that bathroom for everyone else at the party, and for the hosts. You were that ******* guy. I’ve seen shit like that in public restrooms and it’s disgusting. I really hope you learned your lesson and that you learn some self control. Other drunk people needed to pee—and that suuuucks because there’s nothing worse than having to hold it when you’re drunk—and you turned the bathroom into a biohazard. Probably the only bathroom and maybe even the only TP if this was like the college parties I used to go to back in the day. Nice move lol Definitely an FML, but moreso for the rest of the party. I don’t see anything wrong with it being posted, you weirdos lol. And FWIW I also ******* LOVED the WTF FMLs back in the day and looked forward to them every month. Bring them back, Alan, pretty please? :)
randybryant799 21
Good grief. How old are you??