Today, I told my girlfriend I have only one testicle. Her reaction? "Eeew, balls are gross!" I'm glad to know I'm only half as gross as other guys. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my girlfriend announced to me that she is pregnant and tried to tell me it was mine. I lost both testicles to an infection as a teenager so, no way it’s mine. Somehow, she never made the mental connection that no balls equals no children and no way to convince me I’m the dad. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I saw each other naked for the first time. She said my balls looked like little acorns. FML
Today, I had to sit for an hour listening to my girlfriend talk to her ex about his testicles. She laughed more during that conversation than she ever has with me. FML
Today, I found out apparently, I have a weird looking vagina. How? My boyfriend and I had sex for the first time. He took one look at my vagina and with a look of horror said, "I have never seen one this GROSS." He's a gynecologist and probably sees 20 vaginas a day. FML
Today, during a blowjob, my girlfriend decided to try something new by squeezing my balls as hard as she could as I came, for a "more intense orgasm". All she gave me was a ruptured testicle. FML
Today, in one fell swoop, my testicles and spirits were simultaneously crushed into submission by the girl I like. FML
Today, I shaved my penis and balls. When my girlfriend saw, she said, "You look like my little brother." He's 6 years-old. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I were getting hot and heavy. She had her shirt off, and commented on the small size of her breasts. Trying to make her feel better, I said I'd dated girls with smaller breasts. She replied by saying she'd dated bigger penises. FML
Today, I learned that the burning sensation I get on my balls isn't from when my girlfriend poured hot sauce on my balls as a prank, it's actually gonorrhea. FML
Today, my right testicle popped out during gym class while we were running laps. The teacher saw it and said, “Put that away! There aren’t any balls involved in this activity!” FML
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Top comments
Zapzip2013 0
in soviet Russia balls have you.
ifinishlast 0
YDI for having a 12 year old gf
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Comments (140)
SonjaJay 0
I don't see how that's a bad thing. Shes perfect for you and doesnt think your creepy with your odd ome ********
AlliFaye17 3
... But she doesn't like balls at all....
Firebirdfreak47_fml 0
Hey quit harrasin him I've only got 1 testicular 2 and I got a bigger dick thank most of ya
bubo_fml 11
Did you tell her she CAME from BALLS?
skate4shekla 0
Its funny cause hitler only had one...
ImTheAlpha 30
Lølz, that'd be interesting to look at. How old is your girlfriend? 10?
xNephilim 19
Jesus, how old is she? 5?
newburton13 26
I think I know your girlfriend.
emziwie 4
Way to see the ballsack as half full!
JacksBBQ 2
How old is she? Like 6?
classicnathan 8
Chicks Man, They are wierd!