Today, for our Christmas gift exchange, we were supposed to all bring alcohol. I got a Crown Royal Apple box with a couple of positive pregnancy tests. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, it's my sixteenth birthday. The only gift I got was from myself: a positive pregnancy test. FML
Today, at the office, everyone in my department swapped secret santa presents. I bought the guy whose name I picked a DVD box-set of his favorite TV series. One of my friends got a fancy make up kit. Another got a pack of posh notebooks. I got a toilet plunger. FML
Today, I went to a work party where we had a Secret Santa. I gave a nice set of beer bottles with glasses. When my name was called I naturally picked the biggest gift. I got groceries. I now have dog food and men's body spray. I don't have a boyfriend or a dog. FML
Today, I was at a small secret Santa with a group of friends. Everyone got each other some amazing gifts, the first person got a homemade self portrait, the second person got some professional grade playing cards, the third person got an album of past memories, and I got a pack of pens. FML
Today, my mom got drunk and decided to unwrap all my Christmas gifts and throw them at the wall. Ho, ho, ho. FML
Today, I was working at the local liquor store. An obviously drunk girl stumbles in, grabs two cases of beer and puts them on the counter. Then she grabs a pregnancy test, pees on it right there, shows me, and says, "I'm not pregnant, I want beer." FML
Today, my husband came home with a Christmas gift from a coworker. It's the same thing I got him. FML
Today, I received a very expensive bottle of wine for Christmas. My alcoholic mother snuck into my house while I was out and drank the whole bottle. FML
Today, my friends and I had our Christmas party. I ended up being the only one sober, and had to drive each and every person home. There were 15 of us. FML
Today, my mother-in-law purchased matching Christmas presents for myself and my sister-in-law to open together in front of everyone. Guess who are now the proud owners of matching metal tampon cases. FML
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Top comments
thejimhawkins 13
Wait so... your secret Santa was basically like, I'm not gonna buy alcohol because I'm pregnant and bitter so I'm going to give you my pregnancy tests instead?
sweetbliss3 37
you can get rid of chlamydia easier.
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Comments (16)
acmariner99 25
Maybe save it for when your bundle arrives? Congratulations!
Elizabeth Burley 22
well, looks like you wont get to enjoy that crown royal. sorry, OP. but congrats?!
Glowworm56 27
Hey, a baby is much better than chlamydia.
sweetbliss3 37
you can get rid of chlamydia easier.
mt21mt 15
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
No, **** THAT, if I am buying booze, it is for myself to drink, not to give away and hope I get something of equal value back in return. I WILL NOT pay for my portion of entertainment for an office party, I work with these ******* assholes all the time, I'm not going to PAY MONEY to spend time having a "party" with these cocksuckers. If the office is doing so ******* poorly that you can't afford to throw a party for the people who MADE ALL THAT ******* MONEY FOR YOU, then just give me my damned pink slip and I can get the **** out of here. And you can take your ******* empty box and go home, because I drank all the apple booze, ****** my girl, and now she is pregnant. Merry ******* Christmas. ****.
bigdaddyeric 37
Hey just for the record Chief (OP), that Crown Royal Apple shit tastes and smells like some homeless person ate a bunch of McDonalds Hot Apple Pies, threw them up and then rolled around in them, then you came by and took a big whiff of it, and liked it so much that you ate it off his pants. So you didn’t miss anything Dog......
Koios 30
The fact you got this triggered over a FML is both sad and hilarious
Selene1090 26
Then don't go if you're going to be such a bitter buzzkill.
Scáthach_1699204304 5
Amen
thejimhawkins 13
Wait so... your secret Santa was basically like, I'm not gonna buy alcohol because I'm pregnant and bitter so I'm going to give you my pregnancy tests instead?
woxliuke 12
Let me guess: you're a guy with a girlfriend and a side chick and both of them got pregnant?
boopingsnoot 25
Condoms, people.
thatslifeiguess7 16
So are you pregnant
mt21mt 15
Seeing as how the OP is a man, I doubt he is pregnant.
zoelog 10
was someone trying to tell you something?
shannon2348 14
was someone trying to tell you something???