Today, the crazy son of a bitch who lives next door to me once again got into a loud, rather one-sided argument with his cat. Twenty minutes later, he knocked on my door, asking if he could stay at my place for a couple of days. The look he gave me when I said no has me fearing for my life. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I heard a scream that sounded suspiciously like my cat when he's just had a nightmare or is otherwise in a state of extreme distress. I found him chilling on my couch, so I walked back to my room, when I heard the scream again. I ran back and he was still chilling. It was my neighbor's son screaming outside. FML
Today, my son is having housing issues, so I let him stay at my place for a while. Today, he found out that the quiet, dorky-looking professor who lives next door is an MMA fighter. He tried to break into the guy's house in the middle of the night and is now in the hospital. FML
Today, I'm trapped in my apartment. My new cat won't let me leave. Every time I try, he blocks the door, hisses and tries to savage me. I'm my own cat's bitch. FML
Today, my extremely affectionate and docile cat, whom I love like a child and has never drawn blood, scratched my roommate of one day in the face while I was at work. She claims he just went ballistic, and I don't believe she's telling me everything. What the hell did she do to my cat? It's gonna be a long lease. FML
Today, when I stepped outside, I found out my neighbors forgot to leash their mean-ass dog when he promptly started charging at me. If not for the black cat who lives outside my house, who I've fed before, jumping in and somehow single-handedly whooping his ass, I'd probably be dead. You don't fuck with stray cats. FML
Today, there's a stray black cat in my apartment complex. It had badly bitten me two months ago and I had to get several injections. Today the same cat barged into my flat when I opened the door to receive a delivery, and it attacked my cat. I barely managed to fight and push him out of my flat. FML
Today, I'm hiding in my own house, because my crazy neighbor wants to "play." Yesterday when I agreed, she made me spend the whole day with her, then burst into tears when I had to leave. She's been waiting outside for over two hours. FML
Today, I walked into the kitchen and saw a note my roomate posted. As I got close to read it I was attacked by a very pissed off cat. The note said "Left window open last night, stray cat got in. Watch out he isn't friendly." FML
Today, my roommate came home and instantly began raging, cursing, and threatening to kill me. While I was cowering in my bedroom, the police had to settle the situation. All I'd done was rearrange some furniture. FML
Today, my neighbor yelled “Fuck you!” at me through his window. My crime? Closing my front door “too loud.” This man lets his children beat on the walls and slam doors but apparently I’m the problem. FML
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Top comments
lisslyi 19
Guess he got kicked out by his cat.
zingline89 18
Good call, nobody likes being the rebound relationship.
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Comments (100)
Mr_Loudmouth 9
He is pussy whipped!
Roo79 1
Perhaps the cat could stay with you for a bit?......sounds like they need some space!! Haha!
inomcupcakes 7
You said no to a man who had a fight with his cat...
mkcherry 14
I wouldn't have answered the door, especially if I was home alone.
avapaige1234 19
Move. Now.
Neko9000 11
Shit who'd u have as a neighbor freakin deathstroke's cat loving brother
lynnlove19 5
Guys a creep!
josiem 11
Sounds like an unmedicated psychiatric patient to me - in which case, your only real hope is to move out. If he can't or won't address his condition (if that's what it is - though I can't imagine what else would explain it), there's no point staying. It doesn't get better.
ChuckNorris2 4
If I was you, I'd advise him to kick the cat out.
AfroNinja6810 11
Is your neighbour Dom Fera?