Today, the crazy son of a bitch who lives next door to me once again got into a loud, rather one-sided argument with his cat. Twenty minutes later, he knocked on my door, asking if he could stay at my place for a couple of days. The look he gave me when I said no has me fearing for my life. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I heard a scream that sounded suspiciously like my cat when he's just had a nightmare or is otherwise in a state of extreme distress. I found him chilling on my couch, so I walked back to my room, when I heard the scream again. I ran back and he was still chilling. It was my neighbor's son screaming outside. FML
Today, my son is having housing issues, so I let him stay at my place for a while. Today, he found out that the quiet, dorky-looking professor who lives next door is an MMA fighter. He tried to break into the guy's house in the middle of the night and is now in the hospital. FML
Today, I'm trapped in my apartment. My new cat won't let me leave. Every time I try, he blocks the door, hisses and tries to savage me. I'm my own cat's bitch. FML
Today, my extremely affectionate and docile cat, whom I love like a child and has never drawn blood, scratched my roommate of one day in the face while I was at work. She claims he just went ballistic, and I don't believe she's telling me everything. What the hell did she do to my cat? It's gonna be a long lease. FML
Today, when I stepped outside, I found out my neighbors forgot to leash their mean-ass dog when he promptly started charging at me. If not for the black cat who lives outside my house, who I've fed before, jumping in and somehow single-handedly whooping his ass, I'd probably be dead. You don't fuck with stray cats. FML
Today, there's a stray black cat in my apartment complex. It had badly bitten me two months ago and I had to get several injections. Today the same cat barged into my flat when I opened the door to receive a delivery, and it attacked my cat. I barely managed to fight and push him out of my flat. FML
Today, I'm hiding in my own house, because my crazy neighbor wants to "play." Yesterday when I agreed, she made me spend the whole day with her, then burst into tears when I had to leave. She's been waiting outside for over two hours. FML
Today, I walked into the kitchen and saw a note my roomate posted. As I got close to read it I was attacked by a very pissed off cat. The note said "Left window open last night, stray cat got in. Watch out he isn't friendly." FML
Today, my roommate came home and instantly began raging, cursing, and threatening to kill me. While I was cowering in my bedroom, the police had to settle the situation. All I'd done was rearrange some furniture. FML
Today, my neighbor yelled “Fuck you!” at me through his window. My crime? Closing my front door “too loud.” This man lets his children beat on the walls and slam doors but apparently I’m the problem. FML
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Top comments
lisslyi 19
Guess he got kicked out by his cat.
zingline89 18
Good call, nobody likes being the rebound relationship.
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Comments (100)
JessicaZado 11
I think it sounds like a good time to move out
perdix 31
Good thing the cat didn't come to your door, looking to stay for a couple of days. You'd probably end up sleeping on the bathroom floor while the cat takes over your bed. He'll probably spray your girlfriend.
hugozac88 22
LMAO classic
bluehero 17
This has to be one of my favorite FML's.
Allennis44 16
Cat got his tongue?
nightbirdblue 27
No, cat got the apartment, while the guy has to curl up where ever he can find warmth.
mccrightp 29
Tell your neighbor not to be pussy whipped.
Cazz91 21
Human: 0, Cat: 1. I wonder if that fine feline practices his or her's methods from Grumpy Cat.
Kyle_Kawi27 7
You cat to be kitten me right meow!
Miooow 16
You should be more scared of the fact that he wants to stay at your place for a couple of days rather than the look he gave you! FYL and his life cos he really need help!
Talis99 26
Do you live near Dayton, Ohio? In apartments that look like cabins? I'll get no more specific with your privacy, of course, but I used to live in an apartment complex I described, and my next door neighbor used to argue and scream obscenities at his cat. Seriously creepy and f*cked up.
RedPillSucks 33
Hey. It's a small world, afterall.