Today, the crazy son of a bitch who lives next door to me once again got into a loud, rather one-sided argument with his cat. Twenty minutes later, he knocked on my door, asking if he could stay at my place for a couple of days. The look he gave me when I said no has me fearing for my life. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I heard a scream that sounded suspiciously like my cat when he's just had a nightmare or is otherwise in a state of extreme distress. I found him chilling on my couch, so I walked back to my room, when I heard the scream again. I ran back and he was still chilling. It was my neighbor's son screaming outside. FML
Today, my son is having housing issues, so I let him stay at my place for a while. Today, he found out that the quiet, dorky-looking professor who lives next door is an MMA fighter. He tried to break into the guy's house in the middle of the night and is now in the hospital. FML
Today, I'm trapped in my apartment. My new cat won't let me leave. Every time I try, he blocks the door, hisses and tries to savage me. I'm my own cat's bitch. FML
Today, my extremely affectionate and docile cat, whom I love like a child and has never drawn blood, scratched my roommate of one day in the face while I was at work. She claims he just went ballistic, and I don't believe she's telling me everything. What the hell did she do to my cat? It's gonna be a long lease. FML
Today, when I stepped outside, I found out my neighbors forgot to leash their mean-ass dog when he promptly started charging at me. If not for the black cat who lives outside my house, who I've fed before, jumping in and somehow single-handedly whooping his ass, I'd probably be dead. You don't fuck with stray cats. FML
Today, there's a stray black cat in my apartment complex. It had badly bitten me two months ago and I had to get several injections. Today the same cat barged into my flat when I opened the door to receive a delivery, and it attacked my cat. I barely managed to fight and push him out of my flat. FML
Today, I'm hiding in my own house, because my crazy neighbor wants to "play." Yesterday when I agreed, she made me spend the whole day with her, then burst into tears when I had to leave. She's been waiting outside for over two hours. FML
Today, I walked into the kitchen and saw a note my roomate posted. As I got close to read it I was attacked by a very pissed off cat. The note said "Left window open last night, stray cat got in. Watch out he isn't friendly." FML
Today, my roommate came home and instantly began raging, cursing, and threatening to kill me. While I was cowering in my bedroom, the police had to settle the situation. All I'd done was rearrange some furniture. FML
Today, my neighbor yelled “Fuck you!” at me through his window. My crime? Closing my front door “too loud.” This man lets his children beat on the walls and slam doors but apparently I’m the problem. FML
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Top comments
lisslyi 19
Guess he got kicked out by his cat.
zingline89 18
Good call, nobody likes being the rebound relationship.
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Comments (100)
diaosi 4
You should have told him you had to ask your cat if it was okay first, and then just tell him it said no.
daydreamer244 13
sometimes....I argue with my dog.
randomgirl4 3
Oh shit!! Cat is deh man of deh house
babeababe 16
Just don't answer the door again if he comes back!
SiriusBlack97 17
looks like he's pussy whipped
Needafarm 22
You should start having one sided conversations with the dead people that live in your house. Show him who's one-sided conversations are crazier.
awesomegirl47 5
Ahahahaha OMG I hate cats. I'd lock my doors.
Kc1001 14
CALL THE POLICE! This man may be dangerous. report him to the apartment managers and get him kicked out.
Zebediabolical 45
Get him kicked out for what exactly? Asking to stay with a neighbor for a few days? Shooting a dirty look? No property manager is going to eject someone over that. OP might be lucky enough to live in a no-pets building in which case it might be a lease violation.
danaharrison 5
Call the SPCA.. Someone who yells at an animal who can't defend themselves should not own an animal..
Inkedldd 8
Wow first time hearing about a crazy cat man. It's always crazy cat lady.