Today, a man punched me for sleeping with his wife. Bewildered, I insisted I would never sleep with a married woman, to which he retorted, "She wasn't my wife when it HAPPENED, dumbass!" I was assaulted for sleeping with my own girlfriend three years ago. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I had the crap beaten out of me by a woman in the street, who accused me of sleeping with her husband. I still don't know who she or her husband are, and I'm still a virgin. FML
Today, a guy beat the crap out of me for supposedly sleeping with his girlfriend. I didn't get a chance to tell him my brother lives with me and that he had the wrong guy. When my brother got home, he didn't ask if I was okay, but rather if the guy was coming back for him. FML
Today, I woke up to a phone call from my boss's wife. She demanded to know how long we'd been sleeping together. When I denied her allegations, she screamed that she knew all about my "history of sleeping with married men." I'm a virgin and I have to work with him tomorrow. FML
Today, I was yelled at and fired by my boss. He claimed that I've been sleeping with his wife. I've never met his wife. FML
Today, a huge and angry man stormed into my work and threatened to kill me if I didn't stop sleeping with his wife. He then threatened to come back and kick my ass if I so much as texted his wife again. The problem is, I'm married, have never cheated and I work for my wife's father. FML
Today, I got a phone call out of the blue from a young man, who screamed that he was going to kill me for sleeping with his fiancée. I told him I am a 49-year-old man who hasn't been laid since my wife passed away, four years ago. He stammered, shouted "Well she was a slut too" and hung up. FML
Today, my wife woke me up by punching me in the balls. Apparently, while I was napping on the sofa, she came in and decided to lie with her head in my lap. While she was scrolling TikTok I sleep-farted on her head, so she punched me. I was asleep, so I feel like the victim here, I call bullshit! FML
Today, I caught my best friend's wife being a cheating whore, and I told her either she told him the truth or I would. More fool me, she used the time I gave her to convince him I tried to sleep with her, so now he won’t believe a word I say, and he punched me in the jaw. FML
Today, before I went to work, I wanted to kiss my wife goodbye while she was asleep, She punched me. FML
Today, some woman ran up, hugged me from behind, and called me another dude's name. When she saw my face, she apologised for getting the wrong person, and ran off. Perfectly innocent, right? Nope. My wife is forcing me to sleep in another room until I admit I’m having an affair. FML
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Top comments
spazzychild 12
Punch him for sleeping with your ex-girlfiend.
Babalu722 3
wow, thats just messed up
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Comments (309)
writergirl23 19
I think assault is too heavy a word- as I assume you weren't unconscious with swollen lips too big to talk, an eye you can't see out of for the swelling, etc., because you were able to respond.
jasondavis22 1
What a jerkoff you should've slugged him back or at least press charges for assault
brndnzchry 1
?
Joshwarrior 39
you guys are now eskimo brothers ;) lol let's see if anyone picks up the reference
helloello 2
The league
hebron77 0
That's the kind of person that needs to be taken out back and shot.
Jasonf6 0
Did you kick him in the nuts so hard that he wouldn't be able to poison the earth with his offspring?
Rwcrazy 0
Must be she yells your name while they are having sex
GatorPiss 2
That's assault. Bring him up on charges and he can post an FML post for being an idiot.
MyPerspective 4
Call the cops. ;)
EvilDave 13
OP, you should have had him arrested. There is no call for that. Unless, of course, she told him about all the wild and kinky things she did with you and now won't do with him. In that case, you deserve it and should feel proud of it. And, she deserves a smack in the face for telling him and then not wanting to do any of it with him.