Today, I found out my older brother put tanning lotion in the lotion I use to masturbate with. Now I have orange palms and an orange penis which won't go away for weeks. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I grabbed some lotion to have a good old wank. However, I'd got it a bit wrong in my rush to spurt my man-mush into an old gym sock, and had picked up some concentrated bronzer. I now have neon-orange hands and genitals. FML
Today, my 15 year-old brother, visiting me for the weekend, thought it would be a great idea to switch my expensive moisturiser for fake tan cream. I'm going to work in 12 hours. I'm fluorescent orange. FML
Today, I caught my brother whacking off with my expensive bottle of lotion. This might not have been quite so disturbing had he not been caught with his entire penis in the bottle. FML
Today, I got my make-up remover wipes mixed up with my sister's self-tan wipes. I am currently watching my face slowly turn orange and there is nothing I can do about it. FML
Today, I decided to try a self-tanning lotion my friend had recommended. I put it on, and decided to take a nap. I woke up later and checked myself in the mirror, expecting to see a new, more tanned version of myself. I didn't. I'm now orange. FML
Today, I ran out of my usual hand lotion that I use for 'me time'. I instead decided to try and us my after shave lotion as a replacement. Apparently, my member doesn't agree with one of the ingredients, and has now swollen to the size of my fist. FML
Today, my sister thought it would be funny to spray my face with my new tanning spray, which is only supposed to be used on arms and legs. I woke up and looked in the mirror to see an orange blotchy face staring back at me. My parents can't look at me without laughing. FML
Today, as I finished putting self tanner on my legs, the phone rang. Telemarketer. After returning to the bathroom I put moisturizer on my face. As I looked in the mirror, I soon realized I'd forgotten to wash my hands. My face is now streaky orange. FML
Today, I got a second degree sunburn everywhere above my waist, for which I've been using a medicated lotion. My roommate "pranked" me by switching the lotion with a similarly colored, very caustic acne wash. My chest feels like it's roasting in hell and is oozing pus and oil now. FML
Today, I took a piss while doing yard work. Later, to my horror, I discovered that I had touched poison oak at some point. My penis is now blistered and swollen. FML
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Top comments
untoward 0
well if your masturbating so much, probably no one is seeing your penis anyway
katieebabyy 0
carrot crotch!
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Comments (353)
metalchick666 0
who masturbates with lotion?
Tsuki1 0
Better than having hairy palms, eh?
crazyaces89 7
that sucks but I'm not gonna lie it's a little funny too at the same time
Sereneorange 0
I call BS. This was in last season's Rescue Me. Not cute
xX_LilSammie_Xx 4
LUL!
Takador 3
who the hell uses lotion for that???
CrAzYyYyYy 0
if you use a pummel stone? idk what it's called on your hands it will get the orange off, but it would hurt like a bitch to use that on your dick
5t3ff1k4h 47
A few things wrong with your comment: 1. It's called a 'pumice stone'. 2. The name 'pummel stone', even though incorrect, would scare the living shit out of someone. You just suggested they use it on their dick. What does a pummel stone do? Well, it sounds like it would PUMMEL. PUMMELING A DICK? Ouch. 3. No one in their right bloody mind would use a pumice stone (or pummel stone... whatever you want to call it) on their dick. That's meant to slough away dead skin cells from TOUGH areas such as callouses on the feet. I can just imagine what it would do to a sensitive area...
fmlisforlols 0
Man, I keep forgetting how ******* retarded most FML posters are. It's good there are posts like this to remind me. People **********. How fucktards like the majority of you correlate that with virginity or inability to have sex is beyond me. Some people use lotions as well. The whole sexual pleasure thing is pretty ******* subjective, so people do different things.
jinxthejinx 0
'Orange' you glad that he didn't put something worse in your lotion… like IcyHot?
garza559 0
get a life then?