Today, after months of dating, I finally saw my boyfriend naked. Turns out he has a micropenis. I assured him that I like him for who he was and that we could explore other things. He said no, because oral and sex toys are "immoral." FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was on a second date with a guy. Things got a little handsy and he pulled down his pants to reveal a micro-penis. He then smiled and asked me to be his girlfriend. FML
Today, as always, my boyfriend has a micropenis. He found my dildo and started crying because it was bigger than him. I love him to death and would never cheat on him, but sometimes I just need to be filled up. Am I wrong? FML
Today, after a year of coaxing, I got my boyfriend of 18 months to agree to have sex with me. He decided his first course of action was to try to shove his flaccid penis into my unlubricated vagina. FML
Today, I knew micropenises existed, I just never expected I’d see one in person after spending weeks building my anticipation of losing my virginity, getting naked in front of him, then being presented with half a cocktail sausage. Even if we had sex I think I’d still be a virgin. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I decided to be totally honest with each other. We even told some of our deepest, darkest secrets, in hopes of strengthening our relationship. He told me he had a diaper fetish, and would love to see me in one. There goes my sex life. FML
Today, I went down on my boyfriend for the first time. I went slowly to build up the excitement, and I thought it was working really well, until he sighed, "For fuck's sake, it's a dick, not a shotgun." and told me to stop embarrassing him. FML
Today, as my boyfriend and I were getting intimate, I asked him if he was going to fuck my brains out and make me his dumb little cock sleeve. He said, "That's kind of degrading, isn't it?" Instant mood kill. Never date a man who can't talk dirty. FML
Today, I got my boyfriend's pants down for the first time and turns out my thumb is bigger than his erect penis. I already know he has weak tongue technique, but this is an extra slap in the face I do not need. FML
Today, my boyfriend told me that he doesn't know why I think deepthroating is so uncomfortable. To prove his point, he grabbed my dildo and effortlessly slid it down his throat. FML
Today, I showed my boyfriend all my kinky sex toys, hoping he'd be excited. He was actually freaked out and said that I have "way too many." Sorry I'm not a boring Christian prude who's afraid of her own pussy, I guess. FML
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Top comments
Lande Venter 3
If he can't compromise, leave his selfish ass.
icalledhisname 12
I’m dumbfounded. It makes no sense that he thinks vaginal sex is okay and oral isn’t. Sometimes I just don’t understand people. Okay, a lot of the time, not sometimes.
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Comments (14)
tounces7 28
Good-*******-bye to him then.
sickerthanyou 13
Months dating and he didn’t ask for a bj or a handy at least?, that’s to me hella suspicious and know we know why
randybryant799 21
I'm sorry but you need to say bye bye. And not because of the penis size. Because he refuses to explore other ways of intimacy.
ElizibethRose 4
what a dick