Today, my roommate remembered that we have an essay due Monday, so he wrote the full essay, while stoned, in less than an hour, without using his textbook. It was better than the one I spent all week writing. He is now upstairs having sex, and I've lost all motivation. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was supposed to wash my wife's underwear, then go to work and interview a new educator at 10.30am. I ended up smoking weed, getting stoned, and sitting in my car at 11.00am at a McDonald's. I'm now sitting at my desk and still high as fuck. FML
Today, my roommate stumbled in drunk at 5am with 3 Big Macs, and passed out on the floor after eating them. This happens almost every night. I stay in, study, work, and go to the gym almost everyday. And she still has better grades, a better body, and makes more money than me. FML
Today, my mom woke me up in the middle of the night to make me help my brother write an essay. I read what he wrote so far, gave him my suggestions, and went back to bed. She woke me up 30 mins later because he just sat and stared at his paper instead of fixing anything. Somehow that's my fault. FML
Today, my roommate reached a whole new level of laziness: I caught him casually peeing into an empty beer bottle while laying in bed. FML
Today, I submitted a poem for my English class. I had fun writing it, so I wrote a second which was not nearly as good. My procrastinator of a friend never did his, so I gave him my extra poem. Mine was given a 75% while "his" received a 93%. FML
Today, after being sick all day with the flu, I asked my husband to wash the dishes after I went to bed. He said he couldn't because he had a large, important project for work that needed to get done. I woke up a couple of hours later to find him smoking weed on the couch and watching cartoons. FML
Today, I turned in an essay after staying up late to work on it. I was away when the teacher assigned it, so I'd asked my friend what the subject was. It transpires that she'd given me the wrong one, all because she was mad at me for not returning her pencil. FML
Today, I came home to to find my roommate spinning on a computer chair, shitting everywhere. He'd taken Peyote. Now the whole place smells of poop. FML
Today, I pulled an all-nighter to finish an essay. I submitted it one minute before the deadline. Later, I opened the file to double-check and realized I'd uploaded my rough draft, containing notes like “THIS PART MAKES NO SENSE, FIX LATER.” The professor then replied, “I agree with your assessments.” FML
Today, I realized I forgot to write a 5000 word essay for my English class. I tried to be calm since I had until midnight to finish, and it was only 8pm. I typed for three hours straight,and finished the assignment. I read over the instruction again, and realized it only had to be 500 words. FML
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Top comments
giantsfan2010 23
Some people are just naturally better at writing than others. Don't beat yourself up about it OP.
gosh_mate 30
Don't give up! Education can be stressful, but you aren't doing any good by comparing yourself to others. His paper may read better, but yours could contain the information your professor is after.
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Comments (53)
sugarbaby9908 20
Use the herbal enhancer!
TheDevilsDevices 15
Ahh the joys of college life. When I was in college I used to do the same thing. Takes the stress off & allows you to be more creative. Well to me it did anyway.
vampire9545 5
i didnt dorm soo i didnt have any competition motivation. but stoned As? only for papers, never for class.
drc2010 13
your roommate had help with the THC, it opened his mind up so he could understand the material and put it on paper in his own words. happened to me a lot lol
sousaphonist 14
Sorry... some people just have a gift for BS-ing their way out of anything...
christopherwilli 14
Maybe you should ask him for some pot and lighten up. Or you can just understand that some people are better than other people at certain subjects. But anyways, fyl.
NineeCat 32
Your roommate sounds like quite the bad ass!
Lars93 18
I could come and have sex with you. so you'll at least have THAT.
meeexxx 18
Study high, make the test high, get high scores.
chris9O 14
Haha that's what I do xD