Today, I was talking to my mom. During the conversation she asked me, "Does he take his leg off when you guys are having sex?" Referring to the guy I've been seeing who has a prosthetic leg. My dad then asked, "Does he spank you with it too if you've been naughty?" FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I went to have dinner with my girlfriend and her family. It got silent, so, noticing her legs were darker than they were a few hours ago, I wanted to ask her if she used tanning lotion. I ended up asking her if her legs were fake. Her dad has prosthetic legs. FML
Today, my dad picked me up from school, something he'll be doing while my broken leg heals. He thought it'd be hilarious to arrive early and ask the staff where his "crippled" son was, loudly saying I'd broken my leg in a "masturbation-related accident". FML
Today, my dad thought it appropriate to ask if my boyfriend, who was in the other room, was circumcised. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were at dinner with his parents when he discreetly slid his hand up my skirt and tickled me. This caused me to kick his dad's recently broken leg. FML
Today, my mom walks into my room, with a serious look on her face asks me "When a man is getting it from behind, the man on top orgasms, but what happens to the man on bottom? Do you think he takes care of himself or what?" Hand motions were included. FML
Today, I went to the doctor with my parents. When the doctor asked if I was sexually active, I said 'Yes.' My mom laughed and said 'Good one.' My dad, for added effect said, 'Your hand doesn't count.' FML
Today, I was in the car with my mom and dad. My mom turned around and asked, "Have you had sex yet?" I said no, which is true. My dad cracked up and said, "Told you so!" My mom frowned, took out her wallet, and handed him $20. My parents bet on my nonexistent sex life. FML
Today, I was in the "getting to know you" phase of dating a guy I recently met. We were talking about our families and I mentioned my dad died when I was young. He blurted out, “So, we get to have some of that kinky daddy issue sex then, huh?” I’m not sure if he was joking or not but still… FML
Today, I heard my step-dad hitting my mom, and her begging him to stop, so I grabbed my cricket bat, ran in, and almost brained him. Luckily I stopped in time, because they were both naked having sex. Apparently my mom likes extreme spanking. Eww. FML
Today, I had sex with this guy who I like very much. As he went to leave, I decided to give him one last thrill. I reached down his pants and started to rub and stroke him. He abruptly pulled my hand out. When I asked why, he pointed behind me. My mom had watched the whole thing. FML
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Top comments
ObellaO 0
Quite honestly I appreciate the twisted humor =-)
thecheshirecat_fml 0
your dad is kind of awesome =P
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Comments (322)
silly_kate 0
sheesh, have they ever heard of privacy? it's pretty much every parents problem!
woahmandi 0
haha. i love your dad. that was hilarious.
Dreamsleep 0
What a great dad, haha
TheNewGodOfWar 0
lololololol your parents are awesome
jnmommy 0
AWKWARD! I'd be so creeped out.
jackiee143 0
honestly, this is the funniest thing ever. and if my dad ever said that to me, i would probably laugh so hard i cried. and its not rude, it's called having a sense of humor.
yumpinyiminy 0
Be glad to have funny parents.
mellr7 0
PARENTING SKILLS. AWESOME.
boysRdumb 0
That maybe the best thing i have ever heard. EFFIN FANTASTIC!
JlynnS 11
This is great! I have never laughed so hard in my life!!! I too need to know, Does he?