Today, I learned that when you stand up to a bully in a bar, it never ends like it does in the movies, the bully doesn’t get knocked out, and you don’t get the girl. What you get is a trip to hospital, banned from the bar, and the girl goes home with the bully while you lie in the ambulance. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I bumped into a guy I bullied for years at a bar. He was actually cool and laughed about it, but my stupid drunk ass kept urging him to hit me because I felt bad about it. We went outside and he thrashed me. At least we're friends now, I guess… FML
Today, I got bailed out of jail. I was there because I saw a girl being hit by her boyfriend. I rushed over to help only to have her hit me repeatedly. The cops came and she blamed her bruises on me. The boyfriend corroborated her story. FML
Today, I went to the bar I've always gone to after work for the past 12 years. On arrival, I got banned for life, punched in the nose and thrown out. The barmaid comes out and says, "Sorry, wrong guy." FML
Today, I was out clubbing, when some bloke at the bar started trying to pick fights with everyone. Trying to defuse the situation with humour, I said, "I used to be a tough guy like you. Then I took an arrow in the knee." The next thing I know, I have a broken nose. FML
Today, I went to a bar with a close friend. She got drunk and was feeling sick, so I carried her to my car to take her to her house. Some stranger accused me of drugging her and tackled me with her in my arms. She threw up on me, and he took off running without an apology. FML
Today, I finally stood up to the guy who's been bullying me for the last 2 years. Even though he's been caught in the act several times, he never gets punished, so I figured I'd get away with gut-punching him. Nope. An hour later, I was suspended from school. FML
Today, after years of battling my social anxiety issues, I went out clubbing with my friends. A girl started talking to me and we actually hit it off. The next thing I know, I'm on the floor getting wailed on by some bloke for hitting on his girlfriend. She didn't do a thing to stop him. FML
Today, I finally stood up to a bully who had been messing with me for over a year. His response? He picked up the chair I was sitting in and threw me across the room. FML
Today, I saw a drunk guy hitting on a girl sitting alone at the bar. She insisted that her boyfriend was there, but he didn't relent. So I went over and put my arm around her and asked "Who's this guy?" He walked away, but then I felt a tap on my shoulder. It was her boyfriend. He broke my arm. FML
Today, I discovered the hard way that training in martial arts means nothing when the thug harassing your wife at the bar has a mate stood behind you ready, willing, and able to kick you square in the balls with a toe-capped work boot while you’re getting into your correct fighting stance. FML
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Top comments
ahabsfan 17
You need to find an older gentleman from Okinawa who can teach you karate. The bully will leave you alone while you train. Then you defeat him in the karate tournament.
cuz803 46
That honestly sucks but something about your FML makes it sounds like you set unrealistic expectations and tried to impress. As a victim of bullying, I have some sympathy for you but I can't tell if your heart was in the right place. Practice some discipline. Try: - Spending less time at the bar - Exercise more frequently - Train in combat sports (preferably MMA or boxing) - limit alcohol consumption. It negatively affects fighting and all other types of performance) - Don't try to impress people. Humble and improve yourself instead. That's attractive to chicks without beating someone's ass
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Comments (4)
ahabsfan 17
You need to find an older gentleman from Okinawa who can teach you karate. The bully will leave you alone while you train. Then you defeat him in the karate tournament.
RichardPencil 32
Or... You can study with that kid from Indiana with a Red Rider BB Gun (with a compass in the stock) and beat up your bully in an alley.
JJackLong 12
哈哈哈哈😂
Brightside86 31
Well yeah this is just act 1. You need to have a training montage time to queue eye of the tiger.
cuz803 46
That honestly sucks but something about your FML makes it sounds like you set unrealistic expectations and tried to impress. As a victim of bullying, I have some sympathy for you but I can't tell if your heart was in the right place. Practice some discipline. Try: - Spending less time at the bar - Exercise more frequently - Train in combat sports (preferably MMA or boxing) - limit alcohol consumption. It negatively affects fighting and all other types of performance) - Don't try to impress people. Humble and improve yourself instead. That's attractive to chicks without beating someone's ass