Today, I was in a shopping center when I went to the toilet. I came out, washed my hands and suddenly got a massive itch in my crotch. Without thinking I itched it. I then had to walk around the center with a wet hand print on my crotch. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I woke up with an extremely irritable rash around my crotch. I didn't want to full out itch it by putting my hands down my pants, so I itched it by putting my hand in my pockets. I got kicked off the train for "pleasuring myself in public." FML
Today, I felt an itch on my butt so I went to the bathroom to scratch it. It was actually a dried layer of skin that broke from years of wear and tear, and now every time I shit I feel immense pain for the next hour. FML
Today, while shopping, I suddenly got the terrible urge to use the bathroom. I already had several items and my 5-year-old niece in tow, so I hurried to checkout. I ended up pissing myself. FML
Today, at work, I wet my pants. I had to throw my tighty-whities away. Since I didn't have underwear on, I chafed real bad and got a rash on my butthole and near my balls. I had to push my boyfriend off of me, all because it hurt too much to touch. FML
Today, I accidentally spilled water on my pants, and my crotch got soaked. To make things worse, I was in class at the time, and I had to walk home afterward. On top of that, I had to pass through a mall, and there were so many people staring at me the whole way. FML
Today, while at work, I used the restroom. After I noticed we were out of paper towels, I just tried shaking my hands dry. I then readjusted my bra, since it'd been driving me crazy all day. After getting back to my cubicle, I realized that I had two wet handprints over my boobs. FML
Today, while walking home, I really had to pee, so I decided to do my business in some high grass just off the street. When I got home, I felt an itch between my butt cheeks. I went to the bathroom to check it out, and a dead, apparently crushed spider fell out of my underwear. FML
Today, my thigh was itchy, so I went into a bathroom stall to scratch it. I, for some reason, moaned out loud while doing it. After that, the men's bathroom went completely silent. FML
Today, I was shopping in a mall when I needed to go to the bathroom. One of the toilets was out of order, so I went to the other toilet. After that, there was no toilet paper, so when I saw tissue in the sink, I left the stall with my pants down and someone saw me. FML
Today, I came home after being stuck in traffic needing to pee really badly. When I went to the bathroom, my boyfriend was on the toilet. I couldn't hold it longer, so I went into the woods behind our house and found a bush. Relieving myself, my butt started to itch. I was sitting in Poison Ivy. FML
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Top comments
mrhahn530 0
You SCRATCHED it...what the hell is with people and thinking "itch" is a verb?
housemd1120 0
Hahahahahahaha that had to be a funny sight that sucks. Maybe you should think before you scratch
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Comments (88)
meddude 0
it's a fashion statement: "grabbing my junk" by Kevin Federline.
Thrashmeister 0
What the hell? Seriously? Who uses their entire hand to scratch anything? The most I ever use is two fingernails. That shouldn't leave, if any, a big wet mark. Fake.
nomnomer 0
http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/itch #7/fatfaceunited: Itch is a verb. It means to have an itch, not to alleviate said irritation. You, sir, fail. Informal or not, it is incorrect to "itch" something. Use a real dictionary next time; it's only on the Ask.com one because people **** up and don't know grammar.
Ottawa_Sucks 0
@7 It says informal beside the definition. That means that it's wrong but people still use it and will eventually dumb the language down to the point where it's acceptable. Seriously though, learn some ******* manners. Regardless of how right you think you are everyone will (rightly) think you're a complete asshole when you freak out and insult someone repeatedly over something completely unimportant that you aren't even right about.
Sessee 4
At least you washed your hands (:
fatfaceunited 0
#58 informal doesn't mean wrong, it means informal. According to the Merriam-Webster dictionary (because apparently Dictionary.com isn't good enough) informal means "characteristic of or appropriate to ordinary, casual, or familiar use" (http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/informal). It says right there that it is appropriate for ORDINARY use. We are all regular, ordinary people here, so why can't we use ordinary speech? You are absolutely right it doesn't really matter, and that's why I bitched out #2, because he/she was being a sorry ass grammar Nazi when it really doesn't matter. We all understood what the OP meant, so why do we have to make fun of them for their casual and ordinary language?
kpaq 0
thank you for washing. itch can be a verb "my ear itches", but not an action verb. you scratch an itch, you don't itch a scratch.
mjw37 0
Why'd you leave a hand print? You use your entire hand to scratch yourself? Odd. Good job on washing your hands. You should probably go to the doctor. You went to a public restroom, then suddenly had an itch. Hmmm, that could mean something. Bahaha. :]
Familia08 0
How is this possibly and FML. All you did was get water on your crotch. What's the big deal. Someone explain please
FMLfangirl89 0
SCRATCHED it, not itched it. what are you a retarded southerner!?