Today, my girlfriend and I were taking a shower together. We were fooling around when she took the shower head and started spraying my penis with it. I asked her, "What are you doing?" Her response, "I'm watering it to make it grow." FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, while reading my girlfriend's kids a story, her daughter started pouring a tiny watering can on my head. When I asked her what she was doing, she said, "Watering your head so your hair grows back". I'm twenty-seven. FML
Today, while showering with my boyfriend, he asked if something was weird about his penis. Naturally, I looked closer. As soon as I did, he sprayed my face with urine. This is only the beginning; we just moved in. FML
Today, I caught my boyfriend in the bathtub interrogating his penis and "drowning" it when it wouldn't answer him. FML
Today, I was peeing in the shower when my girlfriend suddenly pulled open the shower curtain in an attempt to scare me. Startled, I quickly spun around and peed all over her dress. FML
Today, my girlfriend thought it would be sexy to give me a naked massage. She straddled my back and started rubbing, then she sneezed and peed on me. FML
Today, my girlfriend was giving me a handjob in the shower. As I was reaching climax, my mom walked by the bathroom door and started talking to me. My girlfriend didn't stop, and in order to distract from the situation at hand, I had to carry on the conversation with my mom. FML
Today, my girlfriend was giving me a hand job. As I reached my climax, she thought it would be funny to turn my 'weapon' against me. Boom, headshot. FML
Today, I was shaving naked in my cold bathroom before showering. My wife walked up behind me, yelled "Shrinkage!" and flicked the head of my penis as hard as she could. FML
Today, my girlfriend was giving me a hand job, which was great, until she started saying, "Milk the penis… Miiiiilk the penis…" FML
Today, my girlfriend and I were getting hot and heavy. She had her shirt off, and commented on the small size of her breasts. Trying to make her feel better, I said I'd dated girls with smaller breasts. She replied by saying she'd dated bigger penises. FML
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Top comments
stevenmx86 8
Lol use miracle grow
crymore007 11
do you shave? she mightve thought it was a chia pet
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Comments (57)
zembof 3
there is no fml here I think that's kinda hot and it's adorable
Nades 0
you have a small penis and a gf? hardly an fml, if anything she has a wicked sense of humor and your lacking humor and size...
holymolybro 0
I think she may be hinting towards something, sir. Use your brain.
aardvarkish 17
lost cause
shutupYDI 4
are you telling us that doesnt work that way?
JenL_fml 7
Talking to it helps it grow too.
meredithxjane 0
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
that is so mean! I wonder what made her think it was okay to say that to you
JackWood 21
You should have said it's like M&M's, grows in you mouth, not in your hand.
JackFaire 27
I feel like her FML should read, "Today I realized my boyfriend doesn't know what an erection is FML" I mean seriously when you get hard your dick grows or did you not know that?
Sinshine 28
I just wanted to say "Did it work?" and move on but why is this FML from November 11th flooded with comments from May? o.o
Ashamed_Sister 60
Because it's from May 2011 and due to unknown reasons it appeared again more than 8 years later.
Sinshine 28
Oh wow 2011. I didn't even see that in the app haha. This is weird but hilarious.
SadiyaRabia 8
Dude, did you seriously ask her “What are you doing?” Little advice: Next time your girlfriend plays “Shower Your Love” with your penis, don’t ask any questions, alright, just enjoy the moment.