Today, my girlfriend and I were taking a shower together. We were fooling around when she took the shower head and started spraying my penis with it. I asked her, "What are you doing?" Her response, "I'm watering it to make it grow." FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, while reading my girlfriend's kids a story, her daughter started pouring a tiny watering can on my head. When I asked her what she was doing, she said, "Watering your head so your hair grows back". I'm twenty-seven. FML
Today, while showering with my boyfriend, he asked if something was weird about his penis. Naturally, I looked closer. As soon as I did, he sprayed my face with urine. This is only the beginning; we just moved in. FML
Today, I caught my boyfriend in the bathtub interrogating his penis and "drowning" it when it wouldn't answer him. FML
Today, I was peeing in the shower when my girlfriend suddenly pulled open the shower curtain in an attempt to scare me. Startled, I quickly spun around and peed all over her dress. FML
Today, my girlfriend thought it would be sexy to give me a naked massage. She straddled my back and started rubbing, then she sneezed and peed on me. FML
Today, my girlfriend was giving me a handjob in the shower. As I was reaching climax, my mom walked by the bathroom door and started talking to me. My girlfriend didn't stop, and in order to distract from the situation at hand, I had to carry on the conversation with my mom. FML
Today, my girlfriend was giving me a hand job. As I reached my climax, she thought it would be funny to turn my 'weapon' against me. Boom, headshot. FML
Today, I was shaving naked in my cold bathroom before showering. My wife walked up behind me, yelled "Shrinkage!" and flicked the head of my penis as hard as she could. FML
Today, my girlfriend was giving me a hand job, which was great, until she started saying, "Milk the penis… Miiiiilk the penis…" FML
Today, my girlfriend and I were getting hot and heavy. She had her shirt off, and commented on the small size of her breasts. Trying to make her feel better, I said I'd dated girls with smaller breasts. She replied by saying she'd dated bigger penises. FML
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Top comments
stevenmx86 8
Lol use miracle grow
crymore007 11
do you shave? she mightve thought it was a chia pet
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Comments (57)
revenioDK 0
lol, my GF would do something like that to me for fun. Dont see the FML in this...
bubblekitty 1
She needs to make a wish. She needs a gold fish and a genie.
Riddles66 0
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Haha burn:D,.
ryankon518 3
Ahahahahaha what a keeper!
mrahhhhh 21
You should water her boobs and say that you're trying to grow some bigger melons.
babyydolly 0
how do you know her boobs aren't big?
mrahhhhh 21
It doesn't matter if they're big or not. As long as he implies they're small, she'll believe it. Like with watering his penis (people are funny that way).
cymruambyth 0
lol. she just completely owned you with that!
clemcool_fml 0
and then you both dissolved into giggles and kept fooling around right? oh no, wait, you posted an FML. geez, trying growing a sense of humor instead.
DarkKnyte 0
She was setting you up for teh secks and you see it as an FML? Should be a FYGF moment. Cuz you should be ******* your GF instead of posting here. :|
no65438 0
ohh shit!
CaptainPickles72 18
She probably thought it would feel good to you and make you hard.