Today, after taking a massive shit, I flushed the toilet and it clogged. It flooded to the brim and the shit came rising to the top. I didn't know what to do so I grabbed some toilet paper and picked it up, ran to my balcony, and launched it. It landed on my neighbor's car. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my toilet decided it wouldn't take any more shit from me, and flooded the bathroom. FML
Today, I took a dump at work. When I went to flush the toilet, it clogged and began to overflow. I left the bathroom as it was and as I walked out, my boss came in. FML
Today, at my boyfriend's brother's house, I desperately needed to poop. After finishing my business, I realized the toilet wouldn't flush. I had to pull my poop out, wrap it in TP and make an excuse to go outside to throw it in a bush. The neighbor was watching. FML
Today, I went to the bathroom at a friend’s house, used the toilet paper, and realized there was none left on the roll. I grabbed a replacement pack but it was all the way on the top shelf that was too high for me. I stood on tiptoes, balancing precariously on the toilet lid when it suddenly flipped down, knocking me off, and splashing pisswater everywhere. FML
Today, after waiting two hours for my landlord to leave so I could take a shit in peace, I sat down on the toilet. The doorbell immediately rang. It was my landlord, who wanted to let me know that he had just backed into my car. FML
Today, in desperate need of a shit, I quickly ran into a shop to buy toilet paper. I rushed home and unleashed, only to realise I'd bought paper towels. Without options, I had to wipe my ass with them and consequently blocked the toilet. I found rolls of toilet paper while looking for the plunger. FML
Today, I went with my boyfriend to meet his parents. I had to excuse myself to use the bathroom, and I ended up taking a huge crap that wouldn't flush. I had to reach in and break it up with my hands just so it would flush. Only after I washed up did I notice a plunger sitting under the sink. FML
Today, after racing home with a jumbo package of toilet paper, I ran into my house to go to the bathroom. I then realized I'd left the toilet paper in the car. FML
Today, I was pissing in a bathroom and I tossed my empty energy drink can into the toilet for laughs. The unnecessarily powerful flush sucked it up where it got stuck and caused me to get sprayed with toilet water while I frantically tried to open the stall. FML
Today, I sat down for a poop. The toilet seat slid off immediately, taking me with it. I lay on the bathroom floor for a moment, stunned, still pooping. FML
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Top comments
Deez_Knots 10
HAHAHAAAHHAHA funniest one I’ve ever read
Phillycheeze 20
Oh shit.....
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Comments (31)
silentbabydeer 10
FY neighbor L......... it can’t be that pleasant for your neighbors to find shit wrapped in toilet paper sitting on his/her car and having to clean that off. YDI.
RichardPencil 32
I hope you mean EX-neighbor. It’d be ironic if the neighbor had the stolen colon in his car. Or is that poetic justice?
Phill_24 6
Were-you a pigeon in another life?
poururheartout 17
Too bad there isn’t some kind of modern day rubber implement that you could use to create a vacuum seal in which to resolve this shitty situation. All while keeping your hands poo free.
Dave_Davington 34
Just blame his/her ex. That's always a safe bet.
WHSKitty4ever 23
Ever heard of this fantastic invention … I think they call it a plunger…
greenwichgal 15
There were a lot of things to do bud...but that was not one of them
Mark Wespinter 11
He shoots, he scores!
whiskey'swino 15
At least when I have had to put up with a neighbor's shit it was not literal!
GUYMAINE 16
This is the best thing I've ever read