Today, I was with my 3 year-old son in the doctor's office. During the exam, he informed the doctor that he doesn't sleep in mommy's bed anymore because mommy sleeps in her underwear and farts all night long. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I realized that my 3 year-old son, who is being potty trained, has better aim standing up to pee than his 30 year-old father. FML
Today, my 5-year-old son made a drawing of our living room, with the addition of an apparition, and the text, "I can see you. Daddy doesn't see you. Who are you?" FML
Today, I was at the mall with my young daughter. I hate pooping in public but I really had to go so I brought her in with me. Thinking we were alone, I started to go and my daughter yelled, "Good job Mommy, you're using the potty like a big girl!" I then heard laughing. FML
Today, I came home from work to find my son and his friends attempting to find out how many of them could fit into one of my pairs of pants. So far, five. FML
Today, I got a new babysitting job. Every time the little girl goes to the bathroom, she screams and cries until I wipe her. She's 7 years old. FML
Today, my 2 year-old son decided to pee on the dog for the second day in a row. I'm afraid this will turn into a routine thing. FML
Today, my mother told my boyfriend a cute story about me when I was little. The one where my cousin and I were caught pooping in a urinal in the church basement. FML
Today, my husband came home from shopping with my 4 year-old daughter, and showed me a shirt she picked out herself. The shirt read "My mom's easy - I'm living proof." Apparently she just liked the colours and her father agreed. FML
Today, my mother stopped speaking to me because I won’t let her babysit anymore. Her idea of babysitting is to sit my daughter alone with a tablet and a pile of sugary junk food for 7 hours straight. FML
Today, I was sitting on the toilet, pregnant as ever, and really sick. I asked my fiancé to bring me a pair of clean underwear. He did so and brought me some lacy underwear. They weren't mine. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
heyyimkell 2
Haha! You gotta love how honest little kids are. Don't worry though. All 3 year olds say stuff like that.
jillz 0
Clearly he has an overactive imagination and made that up because we all know that females do not fart.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (47)
teiso_fml 0
Hahaha! Don't worry, my dad sleeps in his underwear and farts all night long, too. My bedroom is next door to his and the walls are thin. He also burps and moans and makes other ungodly sounds. And Mum snores something terrible, and my parents love each other, anyway. And at least your kid has learned to sleep in his own bed!
monkeykiller77 0
f your birth control
kukopia 0
So??? Dr's know that moms fart. And Kid Dr's have heard ALL kinds of nasty truths. And some misunderstandings that sound REALLY nasty. This one isn't even in the running as amusing. FML Fail MILF Fail
alex6946 10
aww ;) kids say the funniest things!
madysin 5
kids shouldn't sleep with their parents anyhow ytdi.
madysin 5
you deserve it for being a dumb ass and thinking its OK to sleep with ur kid. its weird and unnatural.
jj5335 0
i find that relly funny
nickfraxer 0
hilarious!!!
bosox17 6
Good kid
CrazyLaughs4Me 17
Honest brat. Hearing that I wouldn't sleep with you either.