Today, I was with my 3 year-old son in the doctor's office. During the exam, he informed the doctor that he doesn't sleep in mommy's bed anymore because mommy sleeps in her underwear and farts all night long. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I realized that my 3 year-old son, who is being potty trained, has better aim standing up to pee than his 30 year-old father. FML
Today, my 5-year-old son made a drawing of our living room, with the addition of an apparition, and the text, "I can see you. Daddy doesn't see you. Who are you?" FML
Today, I was at the mall with my young daughter. I hate pooping in public but I really had to go so I brought her in with me. Thinking we were alone, I started to go and my daughter yelled, "Good job Mommy, you're using the potty like a big girl!" I then heard laughing. FML
Today, I came home from work to find my son and his friends attempting to find out how many of them could fit into one of my pairs of pants. So far, five. FML
Today, I got a new babysitting job. Every time the little girl goes to the bathroom, she screams and cries until I wipe her. She's 7 years old. FML
Today, my 2 year-old son decided to pee on the dog for the second day in a row. I'm afraid this will turn into a routine thing. FML
Today, my mother told my boyfriend a cute story about me when I was little. The one where my cousin and I were caught pooping in a urinal in the church basement. FML
Today, my husband came home from shopping with my 4 year-old daughter, and showed me a shirt she picked out herself. The shirt read "My mom's easy - I'm living proof." Apparently she just liked the colours and her father agreed. FML
Today, my mother stopped speaking to me because I won’t let her babysit anymore. Her idea of babysitting is to sit my daughter alone with a tablet and a pile of sugary junk food for 7 hours straight. FML
Today, I was sitting on the toilet, pregnant as ever, and really sick. I asked my fiancé to bring me a pair of clean underwear. He did so and brought me some lacy underwear. They weren't mine. FML
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Top comments
heyyimkell 2
Haha! You gotta love how honest little kids are. Don't worry though. All 3 year olds say stuff like that.
jillz 0
Clearly he has an overactive imagination and made that up because we all know that females do not fart.
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Comments (47)
allmidnighteyes 11
Oh pfft, he secretly likes it. Damn Freudian desires...
Glam_fml 0
Eh, who cares? You got your son out of your bed, right? Isn't that what parents want? Besides, doctors are used to nudity and bodily functions.
doggie3 0
Kids say the darndest things sometimes. But really, FYL.
jessxoxo28 5
LMAO! poor kid had to deal with that!
jillz 0
Clearly he has an overactive imagination and made that up because we all know that females do not fart.
mishel 0
Ew. Maybe you're lactose intolerant.
yourkiddingright_fml 0
Too funny!!!!!
DrunkenValor 0
That kid has no room to talk, I bet you were changing his soiled diapers for years. Put the child up for adoption for making you lose face. Or remember this, and later on in life tell his first girlfriend that you had to change his diapers up until the age of 9.
GracefulDemoniac 0
Wow, taking revenge on a three year old who won't remember any of this a year from now? F that poor kids future life, lmao.
Jaguaress 2
That's funny. I will say that 3 years old should be sleeping in his own bed anyway.
pwnrzero 0
f both ur lives